| Newcastle, 19.04.2007 |
slancho
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Refuse
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the romantic fighting against
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affirmation,
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the impression of wholeness
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derived from wind-productive energy,
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this cocky weather,
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and the anonymity of imagined beings
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taking you to task for
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a life of mediocre value:
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rumour has it that idols die
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from uncritical devotion
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and the interruptions of hazardous
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dissidence.
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“I,
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too,
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have wanted there to be a mirror,”
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a space beyond articulation, un-
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trapped between grammar and punctuality,
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profane in its uncensored, naked beauty -
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seductive, beyond callous polemic.
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But faith travels easily, folds without fight
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along wine glass bellies and,
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almost without issue,
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outdoes final interpretations
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and the ways in which they cannot stabilize
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or make certain
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our insistence
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on being beyond the word,
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where language is never endangered,
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heart-proof,
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nor recoverable.
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21 Apr 07 |
Rated 9 (9) by 5 users.
Active (5): 7, 8, 9, 10, 10
Inactive (0):
(define the words in this poem)
(62 more poems by this author)
(2 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
blown, away. as usual. very nice work. incredible flow.
i'd like an answer to my question i asked myself
'idols die from uncritical devotion', for what? but i have to read this many times more.
would you consider a '-' instead of a comma at the end of 19?
i love that you say that faith folds along wine glass bellies. such a great thought.
lines 21-29 are beautiful, even though it's one sentence.
would you consider either 'or' or 'nor' before recoverable?
also, did you mean endangered - l28.
best.
— varun
or engendered? most likely endangered tho :)
there are some very interesting speculations and thoughts here
7 > 9 for example is a well observed human condition i believe
10 > 13 is a stand out moment in this piece - an answer to the previous lines
I cannot find fault in any of this - Varun has spotted the grammatical 'errors' already
I am truely captivated by your crafting of idea and language all the way from line 14 > 29
A well thought out and rendered poem - deserves a high rating
-Mong-
— Mongrol
thank you, both varun and mong, I appreciate your comments
the "nor" in the last line is what I have been looking for all morning, thank you for spotting the need for it, Varun, I am, always in need of your eyes
And yes, it is endangered ... what a silly typo
Thank you both for reading, I wish you a wonderful day
Yours very kindly
Maria
— slancho
the speed of faith is always less than the speed of light
only fools rush in...
nice poem Poncho
— unknown
faith folds along wine glass bellies? please expound
god fills in the gaps out of expediency
L 10 = "it" error
— unknown
perhaps it should read on line 10
'rumour has it, idols die' - the word 'it' is part of the phrase
— Mongrol
:}
plus, i don't think 'it' is an error...
— varun
no it's not ;)
— Mongrol
yeah, was about to suggest the comma when i first read it too.
but considering this writing calls for more than one read, i think the reader would have that figured? mmm... because i tried putting a comma there, and it read a little broken to me.
also, i think for that comma to be there, an 'as' would be a good insert at the beginning of that line, no?
— varun
comments and criticisms well placed ... and much appreciated
I hope line 10 reads better now
The wine glass reference should evoke intoxication, of stepping over boundaries and not necessarily refusing or denying faith, only perhaps teasing the concept a bit
Thank you all for your generous comments
Poncho ... hmm, methinks I need one as it is going to rain
Maria
— slancho
well - when spoken aloud the phrase reads fine - conversations that start with this phrase do begin just that way..
rumour has it you like pink custard - the rhetorical nature of the phrase doesnt lend itself to a pre-expectation that maybe an 'as' might add there
it's not so much a question as it is a statement.
— Mongrol
also, true, mong.
— varun
yes, mong and varun ... the "as" stays ...
Yours kingly, friends
Maria
— slancho
actually, I took off the "as" and inserted a "that" in place of the comma
It might actually work best that way, though more verbose than intended
Thanks
Maria
— slancho
That's gorgeous. In line 20, I would keep 'polemic' as singular a i believe it to be a collective noun - very interested in the title, date and time - it gives the poem an allure and a certain fascinating inter-textuality. Talent.
— opal
self excavation usually is not worth the effort. internal currents get more tempestuous as we dig.
— unknown
I thank you kindly, opal
Newcastle is beautiful in the spring ... but I am sure you know that already
I have changed polemics to its collective form
Yours
Maria
— slancho
nice edit.
— varun
thank you for your help, varun
maria
— slancho
would you consider -
seductive, beyond polemic and callous ?
— unknown
wonderful suggestion
I will make the changes and see what others think
thank you kindly, unknown
maria
— slancho
typo for polemic, maria :}
thanks for taking that suggestions.
v.
— unknown
ups ...
m
— slancho
Whilst you are in the editing mood, might I make a small request?
I feel that in line 20 polemic and callous should switch places for
sonic reasons. Please listen:
polemic and callous
polemic and callous
polemic and callous
OR
callous and polemic
callous and polemic
callous and polemic
A poem worthy of multiple readings.
-bobo
— unknown
hello, bobo
thank you for visiting and your engagement
The original line read:
"seductive, callous and beyond polemic"
Then I changed it to "
"seductive, beyond polemic and callous"
Now you have made me think again, how about:
"seductive, beyond callous polemic"
Maria
— slancho
strong language here. nice.
— listen
thank you, listen
m
— slancho
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