poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Blacksburg, VA
unknown

That nite
 1
they stole away
 2
from the city to sit
 3
upon the lonely hills
 4
submerged in
 5
portentous
 6
clouds.
 7
And there,
 8
winds whistled by
 9
throwing dust in their
 10
eyes while city lights
 11
flickered - candles
 12
from afar.
 13
Morning found
 14
them collapsed
 15
upon each other
 16
inhaling each
 17
other's breaths,
 18
watering a
 19
bloody earth.
 20



http://wakeewookoo.blogspot.com/

17 Apr 07

Rated 9.5 (9.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9, 10
Inactive (0):

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Comments:

cool
 — unknown

very beautiful....the subject and the words....very emotional and deep. wonderful way to capture something so deep.
 — lanezfairy

thanks so much.
 — unknown

This is beautiful.  God bless you and God Bless those affected by this horrible tragedy.  Peace.  
 — starr

thanks Starr, obviously the event is beyond words. But still in spite of pain we must try to convey ourselves through the some for of media.
 — unknown

some form
 — unknown

A well crafted, arful response to the tragedy.  I must admit, I was worried that it would be too much when I read the title, but the tone and images are just right.
One small consideration.  Perhaps think about the word mournful in line 5.  I'm not sure it's necessary with the lonely hills coming just before it.  Perhaps one too many adjectives?  The rest of the poem conveys the mood so expertly the extra adjective may be superfluous.
Thanks for writing this.
 — unknown

thanks unknown. advice appreciated.
 — unknown

I like prepubescent pussy.
 — unknown

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