poetry critical

online poetry workshop


it took 2 and a half hours
to burn his 88 year old
life to dust. we dispersed
him in the park he loved
to visit. i saw pigeons
and dogs anticipating
our next move. perhaps
it was my imagination.


16 Apr 07

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2 and a half hours
you say?
nice idea, but i'll make a wee
remove i saw. i believe it may
a neato effect?
 — chuckles

according to my experiments yes
2 and a half hours is all it takes to burn u to oblivion
depending on the temperature of course
and how much the extent of matter.
 — unknown

just because line 3 works doesn't mean line 2 does or line 5 or your imagination

well done great poem, how dare anyone say otherwise
 — unknown

if one is full of crap
as i am,
does it affect the elapsed time?
 — chuckles

"to visit" comes as a bit of an afterhought.
 — unknown

lol chuck. not the time, but the # of animals wanting to smelling you - yes.
 — unknown

and all this time i thought they just
were drawn to my
animal magnetism...
 — chuckles

i am so sorry for you.  

next time you order lamb for lunch , order 3 more for revenge.
 — unknown

i would agree with chuckles on removing "I saw"
Instead maybe "Pigeons and dogs anticipated... or sat anticipating.." or whatever you can think of that would go well with your idea.
good poem though.
 — idontknow

ok. i ll keep it in mind tho i m chuckling because idontknow.
 — unknown

sounds like fdostoev? justin where are you?
 — unknown

cremation guide says 2-3 hours.
 — unknown

 — unknown