poetry critical

online poetry workshop



matter
unknown

it took 2 and a half hours
 1
to burn his 88 year old
 2
life to dust. we dispersed
 3
him in the park he loved
 4
to visit. i saw pigeons
 5
and dogs anticipating
 6
our next move. perhaps
 7
it was my imagination.
 8




http://wakeewookoo.blogspot.com

16 Apr 07

Rated 9.5 (9.5) by 2 users.
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(define the words in this poem)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
annis



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Comments:

2 and a half hours
you say?
niftyinformativeiftrue
nice idea, but i'll make a wee
suggest...
remove i saw. i believe it may
add
a neato effect?
cool!
 — chuckles

according to my experiments yes
2 and a half hours is all it takes to burn u to oblivion
depending on the temperature of course
and how much the extent of matter.
 — unknown

just because line 3 works doesn't mean line 2 does or line 5 or your imagination


well done great poem, how dare anyone say otherwise
 — unknown

if one is full of crap
as i am,
does it affect the elapsed time?
 — chuckles

"to visit" comes as a bit of an afterhought.
 — unknown

lol chuck. not the time, but the # of animals wanting to smelling you - yes.
 — unknown

great.
and all this time i thought they just
were drawn to my
animal magnetism...
 — chuckles

i am so sorry for you.  

next time you order lamb for lunch , order 3 more for revenge.
 — unknown

i would agree with chuckles on removing "I saw"
Instead maybe "Pigeons and dogs anticipated... or sat anticipating.." or whatever you can think of that would go well with your idea.
good poem though.
 — idontknow

ok. i ll keep it in mind tho i m chuckling because idontknow.
 — unknown

sounds like fdostoev? justin where are you?
 — unknown

cremation guide says 2-3 hours.
 — unknown

http://www.cremation.org/
 — unknown

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