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her lips sandpaper
Dead_soul

she came into
 1
the room
 2
with first sun rays
 3
 
 
she fell into my bed
 4
silvering the glitters
 5
on my body
 6
with her finger tips
 7
 
 
I could taste
 8
thousands of others
 9
on her warm lips
 10
 
 
and she smiled to me diabolically
 11
''I could make you forever mine''
 12
she said with laughter
 13
''If I wanted to''...
 14

15 Apr 07

Rated 9 (9) by 5 users.
Active (5): 5, 8, 9, 10, 10
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(1 more poem by this author)



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Comments:

In L9, maybe have "a thousand others," or "thousands of others." The simple "thousand others" doesn't make sense, even tough I know what you mean.

A really great poem. I  liked it.
 — cmn24601

It should be "a thousand others". Also, L11 needs some help.
 — homepancakes

thanks for sugestion, yes I didn't read it throught when I wrote it on yesterday.
 — Dead_soul

L5 is 'glitters' no?
 — DeathShards

yes
 — unknown

still, in line 9, shouldnt there be an "a" before "thousand", or should "thousand" be "thousands"?
 — inutile

yes.
 — unknown

it's kind of corny.
 — OKcomputer

no way.
 — unknown

the line breaks on lines 1 and 8 are unnecessary.
 — aerol

I like the line breaks it's like pause - to take a breath
like when you remember something or think.
 — Jerry33

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