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particle physics

If only I could reach back
to the starting point
of my universe
string-theories piece
reach to the roots of
things as they do in
particle physics,
maybe then I could find the reason
why I've come across a black hole
right in the milkiest part of my
too small to be seen by another and
too big to evaporate in a split
second yet slowly,
slowly devouring
the warmest part of me.

5 Apr 07

Rated 8.3 (8.3) by 3 users.
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i always like particle metaphors :)

not too bad either - you did well to weave the themes together

 — Mongrol

not einsteinynuff4moi
here are my completely rude-in-the-name-of-changing-your-poem-so-it-looks-the-way-i-want -it-to suggestions:

if i could only reach
through the cosmic
microwave background
to the origin of my universe

string-theories piece

reach to the mesons
of things

maybe then i could know
The Reasons

too molecular to be seen
too macroid to evaporate in a sp-
lit second yet slowly, slowly devouring

all my will to love.

that was fun, thanks!
 — chuckles

thanks for your comments Mong and chuckles!

well chuckles, I like some of you ideas, but I think I'll use a couple, make it a bit more einsteiny;-)
 — sparrow

I love science poems.  I don't like the last line.  It's already obviously a sort of love poem and I think it would be better to just end with "devouring."
 — abby

stanza 2, awesome. L15-16, very enjoyable. overall i really liked it
 — sunshinesgf

 — changeling

thanks so much for your comments everyone!

abby, I don't like the last line either, I must say. I just thought I should put it in there... I think I'll have to come up w/ sth else though, since it doesn't really match to the feel of the poem.

thanks again!
 — sparrow

well, L 21 to "a part of me", I think the rhythm of it is a bit better and it matches to the "particle" aspect... but maybe a slight variation would be better?
 — sparrow

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