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Jail Bait (or my first standing O)

spoken word

I was that girl in the 8th grade
who brought a High School Freshman  
to a party
His name was Alex  
had a flask of jim beam in his back pocket
he never took the time to be
charmed by me
just got as close as he could
looked all over and licked his lips
really, he did
I was no pubescent Lolita
I was just jail bait
Newly teenaged
libidos raged
in redone basements
hoping for slow dance grinding
to lead to more
finally the lights dimmed
music got softer
couples paired off
to corners or couches
I always liked to watch
Hands move over tits
seeing nipples get hard
all those girls
grinding away
making so much noise
getting felt up
no one was watching
now they know
Alex was close
just like in the movies
one hand on the wall
over my shoulder
I knew he had no ideas about me
where he could put
his mouth or hands
I did not care
finally kissed
hardly remember that
I was too distracted
by the hardon grinding
just right
against me
pleated skirt
pushing rubbing
into places
only ever
by me
I came
made soft noise in his mouth
wanted to be louder
he was shocked by the lust
wanted more
Polaroid clicks and flashes
the mother of the house
coming at me
snapshot of my first with-a-boy  O
(little did she know)
lecturing me about
“doing anything in the dark you wouldn’t want to talk about”
she made an an impression on me
I heard her loud and clear
like the Marquis or Nin
who set me free
to talk about those things we do with the lights off
I took this mother's words to heart
so here’s to
camera-flashing-remark-making-suburban-basement-rec-room-having-mothers of young teens
Thanks for the advice

31 Mar 07

Rated 8.6 (8.8) by 22 users.
Active (22): 1, 3, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (10): 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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you capture well in this poem,
56-60 nice. overall cohesive and solid.  
 — unknown

ha! :)
very cool.
 — varun

love it. i remember the boy-girl parties in 8th grade, this poem describes them perfectly!
 — humblebee

I was an 8 th grade girl who had a 24 year old boyfriend.
 — unknown

I laughed my ass off at this--well, I chuckled rather, from the title all the way through. Only thing I think of (not to be a pain) is that...well, doesn't being jail bait only apply if one's a minor and the other isn't? Maybe I've just never thought that much into it...
 — gem_grrrl

Very nice.  Captured my attention the whole way through.
 — Mai

line 68:  superfluous "an"?

Jeez, reading this makes me realize I completely wasted my childhood.
 — innominate

 — unknown

lol. definitely had my attention throughout the read.
 — tRG

From a once-upon-a-teen girl, this is guilty as hell and well said.  Not crazy about the way it's formatted but the emotion is steamy and realistic.  (Not that I would know a thing about all this, of course...)
 — Isabelle5

Up through line 59, this poem is.... yes, the best word really is "steamy". After that, though, it seems to almost rant, and that eats the poem alive.

Though I suppose it's a good enough message. Your title is very clever.

All-in-all, it's a thing of preference on the formatting; personally, I love it. This poem is definitely tenworthy, thanks for the awesome read. Sorta takes me back a few years...

 — teo_omega11

your style is unique. that alone is good. it doesnt seem too self aware. and i like that.

i don't like the very end. too pat, cute. the meat is excellent enough for a 10 i think.
 — jumpoline

I like the style. The ending could use a little improvement though.
 — MelissaK

i dont like the style either...the formatting blows. i rush 'story-telling' so i usually resort to spews/rants whatever you call them. i get lazy and rely on the smart remark. you are all right-on. and thanks.
 — ilenelush

Who pays attention to ilenelush's comments.
 — unknown

 — ilenelush

I like it, but here's yet another vote against the format. Had I not been a typical male, I may have lost interest.
 — homepancakes

well, I am just a 2bit slammer making a clumsy leap from the stage to the page...

a re-write is in order, obviously
 — ilenelush

clever. its funny becauase i always call eighth graders jailbait.
 — dollface

I call sixth graders jailbait.
 — unknown

Ha-haaa I love it. So, so real. So true and so real. You have my compliments.
 — ashley87

I'd like to fuck ashley87.
 — unknown

This is excellent. one clever write. i wish i could give it a 20.
it kept me glued till the last line just like a dan brown novel and hell as entertaining.
 — trochee

i'd suggest  
L45 hard on
be 2 separate words
also 74,75 alittle unnecessary...
good poem
 — chuckles

love it....jst...love it. i was the the 8th grade girl who everybody thot was a lezbian with no friends.....>< so i didnt experience this...boys never liked me...but i think its an AWESOME poem overall! 10 for sure! the rough language is super real..like your just talking...makes it very natural..
 — LycanStorm

fine work. i'd suggest  stopping off after "louder."   after that the poem starts sliding downhill.
 — unknown

I have to know, did you fall down?  Seems hard to stand up during, well, you know.
 — unknown

It's a bit choppy, but this is something impressive. You expressed your memories well, and made a very steamy and (usually) embarassing moment a message for everyone to hear. Good work leading into L67.
 — bbucsis

I really enjoyed this poem. It flows in your mind as you read it. I can easily depict this like a movie in my head. Not once did I have to re-read a passage, because this poem melts right off the paper.
 — Bandrews

i love this... describes exactly how it is
 — emiliminy

I like young pussy.
 — unknown

Good work.
 — hairlesscunn

I really like this. Would like it better if line 73 was the last.
 — SteelAngel

slightly aroused... perhaps though, that is the type of comment they created the anonymous commenting function available for.

even so, great poem xx
 — Bobby

I like the title.  A bit long and I don't love the format, but really good.
 — propoet50

This is honest enough, considering you honestly wanted to write something, and it's way better than the retard comments on it. You could edit this into a powerful poem, if you've got the stomach for it after all these sugar and lard sandwiches in your comment section.
 — joey

very good...I like it (:
 — crazynlove3

Actually kind of arousing.  Really, really good.
 — unknown

I loved it until the conclusion, which seems odd, like it's going in a totally different direction than the rest of the poem and so is out of place. 9.
 — FangzOfFire

at least fangz made it to the conclusion, i couldn't get there myself.
 — unknown

DITTO to what FANGZ said about the conclusion.  But really had me on the edge of my seat -  Did I go to this party too?
 — unknown

the title and lines 67-76 are very witty,
but i think you should redo your line breaks.
all of them.
otherwise a great poem.
 — luvscost

Wow, i love it. Im actually speechless, i dont even know why i liked it.
Good stuff.
 — unknown

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