| Jail Bait (or my first standing O) |
ilenelush
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spoken word
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I was that girl in the 8th grade
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who brought a High School Freshman
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to a party
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His name was Alex
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had a flask of jim beam in his back pocket
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he never took the time to be
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charmed by me
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just got as close as he could
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looked all over and licked his lips
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really, he did
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I was no pubescent Lolita
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I was just jail bait
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illegal
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Newly teenaged
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libidos raged
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in redone basements
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hoping for slow dance grinding
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to lead to more
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finally the lights dimmed
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music got softer
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couples paired off
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to corners or couches
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I always liked to watch
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Hands move over tits
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seeing nipples get hard
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all those girls
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grinding away
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making so much noise
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getting felt up
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thinking
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no one was watching
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now they know
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Alex was close
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just like in the movies
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one hand on the wall
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over my shoulder
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I knew he had no ideas about me
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except
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where he could put
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his mouth or hands
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I did not care
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finally kissed
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hardly remember that
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I was too distracted
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by the hardon grinding
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just right
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there
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against me
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pleated skirt
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pushing rubbing
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into places
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only ever
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touched
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by me
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I came
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made soft noise in his mouth
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wanted to be louder
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he was shocked by the lust
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wanted more
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Polaroid clicks and flashes
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the mother of the house
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coming at me
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snapshot of my first with-a-boy O
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(little did she know)
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lecturing me about
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not
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“doing anything in the dark you wouldn’t want to talk about”
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she made an an impression on me
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I heard her loud and clear
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like the Marquis or Nin
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who set me free
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to talk about those things we do with the lights off
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I took this mother's words to heart
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so here’s to
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camera-flashing-remark-making-suburban-basement-rec-room-having-mothers of young teens
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Thanks for the advice
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31 Mar 07 |
Rated 8.6 (8.8) by 22 users.
Active (22): 1, 3, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (10): 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(15 more poems by this author)
(8 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Add A Comment:
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Comments:
you capture well in this poem,
56-60 nice. overall cohesive and solid.
— unknown
ha! :)
hahahahha.
very cool.
— varun
love it. i remember the boy-girl parties in 8th grade, this poem describes them perfectly!
— humblebee
I was an 8 th grade girl who had a 24 year old boyfriend.
— unknown
I laughed my ass off at this--well, I chuckled rather, from the title all the way through. Only thing I think of (not to be a pain) is that...well, doesn't being jail bait only apply if one's a minor and the other isn't? Maybe I've just never thought that much into it...
— gem_grrrl
Very nice. Captured my attention the whole way through.
— Mai
line 68: superfluous "an"?
Jeez, reading this makes me realize I completely wasted my childhood.
— innominate
lovely
— unknown
lol. definitely had my attention throughout the read.
— tRG
From a once-upon-a-teen girl, this is guilty as hell and well said. Not crazy about the way it's formatted but the emotion is steamy and realistic. (Not that I would know a thing about all this, of course...)
— Isabelle5
Up through line 59, this poem is.... yes, the best word really is "steamy". After that, though, it seems to almost rant, and that eats the poem alive.
Though I suppose it's a good enough message. Your title is very clever.
All-in-all, it's a thing of preference on the formatting; personally, I love it. This poem is definitely tenworthy, thanks for the awesome read. Sorta takes me back a few years...
Teo.
— teo_omega11
your style is unique. that alone is good. it doesnt seem too self aware. and i like that.
i don't like the very end. too pat, cute. the meat is excellent enough for a 10 i think.
— jumpoline
I like the style. The ending could use a little improvement though.
— MelissaK
i dont like the style either...the formatting blows. i rush 'story-telling' so i usually resort to spews/rants whatever you call them. i get lazy and rely on the smart remark. you are all right-on. and thanks.
— ilenelush
Who pays attention to ilenelush's comments.
— unknown
nobody
— ilenelush
I like it, but here's yet another vote against the format. Had I not been a typical male, I may have lost interest.
— homepancakes
well, I am just a 2bit slammer making a clumsy leap from the stage to the page...
a re-write is in order, obviously
— ilenelush
clever. its funny becauase i always call eighth graders jailbait.
— dollface
I call sixth graders jailbait.
— unknown
Ha-haaa I love it. So, so real. So true and so real. You have my compliments.
— ashley87
I'd like to fuck ashley87.
— unknown
This is excellent. one clever write. i wish i could give it a 20.
it kept me glued till the last line just like a dan brown novel and hell as entertaining.
— trochee
well
verynicesexyinawaythatmakesmeblushbecauseitalsomakesmefeeloldpoem
i'd suggest
L45 hard on
be 2 separate words
also 74,75 alittle unnecessary...
good poem
— chuckles
love it....jst...love it. i was the the 8th grade girl who everybody thot was a lezbian with no friends.....>< so i didnt experience this...boys never liked me...but i think its an AWESOME poem overall! 10 for sure! the rough language is super real..like your just talking...makes it very natural..
— LycanStorm
fine work. i'd suggest stopping off after "louder." after that the poem starts sliding downhill.
— unknown
I have to know, did you fall down? Seems hard to stand up during, well, you know.
— unknown
It's a bit choppy, but this is something impressive. You expressed your memories well, and made a very steamy and (usually) embarassing moment a message for everyone to hear. Good work leading into L67.
— bbucsis
I really enjoyed this poem. It flows in your mind as you read it. I can easily depict this like a movie in my head. Not once did I have to re-read a passage, because this poem melts right off the paper.
— Bandrews
i love this... describes exactly how it is
— emiliminy
I like young pussy.
— unknown
Good work.
— hairlesscunn
I really like this. Would like it better if line 73 was the last.
— SteelAngel
slightly aroused... perhaps though, that is the type of comment they created the anonymous commenting function available for.
even so, great poem xx
— Bobby
I like the title. A bit long and I don't love the format, but really good.
— propoet50
This is honest enough, considering you honestly wanted to write something, and it's way better than the retard comments on it. You could edit this into a powerful poem, if you've got the stomach for it after all these sugar and lard sandwiches in your comment section.
— joey
very good...I like it (:
— crazynlove3
Actually kind of arousing. Really, really good.
— unknown
I loved it until the conclusion, which seems odd, like it's going in a totally different direction than the rest of the poem and so is out of place. 9.
— FangzOfFire
at least fangz made it to the conclusion, i couldn't get there myself.
— unknown
DITTO to what FANGZ said about the conclusion. But really had me on the edge of my seat - Did I go to this party too?
— unknown
the title and lines 67-76 are very witty,
but i think you should redo your line breaks.
all of them.
otherwise a great poem.
— luvscost
Wow, i love it. Im actually speechless, i dont even know why i liked it.
Good stuff.
— unknown
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