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The Snake And Uranus

At night when every one's a bed
(Got to stay steady, clear heads
for a bread winning tomorrow,
starting after Ready Brek) I sneak
to the outside toilet for a leak
and from the shelf behind the seat,
underneath the signed photo
of Diana Dors glory and the metal wire
holding neatly scissored squares,
carefully cut from the News of The World,
lies my pet python in his lair,
who I have trained to fly by night.
At sight of my stare he slithers
into the back yard, bares his fangs
as I sit astride his rattlesnake skin,
then bangs into the bin, says three Hail Mary’s
for his reptilian sins, and hey presto
off we go, up and away, to places
far beyond the fabric of dreams.
“It seems you’re well today.” states I,
knowing flattery as well as hypnotic eyes
are all if you wish for a serpent’s kiss.
“ I had a hissy fit when your granddad came out for a shit
but it soon passed when I took a bite out of his ass
he replied. “Where we off tonight you old bastard?”
The wind whistled through my toupe
shooting up my cocaine stained nose,
as we looked down through the dark
at the park and municipal bowling green
with the dog poo glued to it’s immaculate grassy sheen..
“To Uranus !” I cried and swoosh at the speed of light
we arrive, but it’s darker and duller than  Planet Earth,
even though it was the place of my birth, in an alien spaceship
from the Gangrene Galaxy. So off we shot back home,
at maximum speed, he to the bogs and me to the land of nod.
“Where you been?” murmurs the light of my life.
“Uranus.” says I, stroking her beautiful behind.

Diana Dors- a British beauty queen of the 50's.

News Of The World-A Sunday scandal sheet well loved in Britain

bogs- slang word for toilet area

Larry lark- a total twat

twat- rude way of describing a ladies downstairs naughty bits

29 Mar 07

Rated 9 (9) by 4 users.
Active (4): 8, 9, 9, 10
Inactive (0):

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i just thought i'd let you know i read this. i don't have any suggestions. the humor in here is subtle but at the same time serious, i don't know how that works. odd mix. but well used.
 — listen

good use of "for" in line nineteen. almost reads like "far." using "shooting" in line twenty-seven is clever, however grim that image is.
 — listen

Dear Listen

This was a scrawled out piece of nothing blowing in the wind but it made me laff.

Larry turning lunatic Lark
 — larrylark

this is so well written, larry.
i see you're losing mind quite well.

i love this poem.
 — varun

Hi Verun

This was written for a challenge on an English board where you had to write about guilty pleasures. I hate feeling guilty and it is an English disease that we can't enjoy ourselves without feeling guilty about it. I didn't want to write about that so i came up with this piece of sexual double entendre, excuse my spelling, instead. I think i might have been watching too many Carry On films.

Larry as a snake Lark
 — larrylark

so even writing about guilty pleasures is a no-no for the English then? ha.
carry on films are stupidly hilarious.
by the way, does the reference to uranus have anything to do with the zodiac of astrology?

your poems are fun, mate. thanks.
 — varun

Dear Varun

No! it is about a dark and mysterious place round the backside of beyond.

Larry into the mystic Lark
 — larrylark

well, maybe it's not mysterious. but.
 — varun

Dear Verun

in the end its just a bit of fun held together by blu tac cellotape and bubble gum

Larry sticky bits Lark
 — larrylark

tis funny how you spell my name
right and wrong
alternately... ha.

funny bits for king!

 — varun

Dear V.

You'll have to excuse my somewhat erratic way with the keyboard. You might have guessed and i am pretty sure that both myself and this computer are not wired up correktly if you get my drift.

Fondest regards

Larry lego head Lark
 — larrylark

what's in a name, eh?
it's all in the mind. ha.

have a good day, sen(i)or.
 — varun

Cheers Varun

I think i might as me and Opal are off to the seaside with the boys at sunny Southport where the sea is so far from the shore that you have to send out a search party to find it, but building sandcastle empires is so fantastically therauputic.

Larry King of the beach Lark
 — larrylark

When I read the total twat bit , the horse was saddled , lance at the ready and I was going to steam right into this .
Then I logged out and realised it was you
Funny thing was the left side was telling the right it was you .
Close call
Nice poem .
 — sir_I_clan

Dear sir I clan

since i have unfortunately had to take up wearing reading glasses i never steam into a poem as within seconds iI find I am in the middle of a total fog. Glad you liked this one

Larry model pupils Lark
 — larrylark

there is a lovely child-like fairytale quality to this Larry, reminds me of a Grim story, as dark and it is delicate.

it's very naughtiness is its charm.

good stuff - great read!

 — Mongrol

Thanks Mongrel

I love telling true stories that people think are made up.

Larry made up Lark
 — larrylark

did you find the sea? what're the castles looking like?

this poem makes me laugh.
 — varun

line 19
 — varun

also line 1
 — varun

Hi Verun

I stand corrected. Thanks for the spots.

Larry spell bound Lark
 — larrylark

Dear larrylark

you are one of the most consistently good contributors of this website.
thank you for sharing your always entertaining yarns with us.

 — chuckles

what chuck said ^

and you're welcome.
 — unknown

Dear chuckles

what can i say but that I am what I am and it don't add up to a pile of beans. I appreciate the feedback and will always strive to do my best as my mummy always taught me to do.

Larry well brought up Shallow
 — larrylark

nice poem. gave me a laugh even if it wasnt meant to
 — unknown

Hi Unknown

this poem is deadly serious, especially as my snake has gone missing

Larry below stairs Lark
 — larrylark

Almost didn't read this due to the trite potty humour of the title, but I'm awfully glad I did. The doo-doo humour turns out to be right up my alley.
 — skinnyJon

Dear Larrylark, off my socks this blew me vehemently.
 — stout

Dear Stout,

socks socks I never wear em and I wouldn't wear underpants either if i could get away with it.

Max pressing the flesh Shallow
 — larrylark

Hello Larrylark socks i find reasonably wearable as they are off - blowable. Underpants i agree are superfluous but how get them to understand that.
 — stout

Thanks stout

I think disposables are the answer

Larry indisposed lark
 — larrylark

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