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replaced
unknown

All rational reason disregarded
 1
and now im alone-
 2
because my smile could no longer captivate you.
 3
because you needed more.
 4
 
 
you call it fair play- I call it treason.
 5
 
 
alone.. ..cast out of my own life-
 6
my only life - my whole life
 7
thrown from my role and my family
 8
and replaced so easily, so quickly
 9
 
 
and now.. .. .
 10
Now your happy
 11
satisfied
 12
and secretly flattered by the destruction youve caused
 13
 
 
I would kill all parties involved, but that would be too dramatic
 14
too cliche
 15
and im already dead
 16
 
 
*maybe one day I will be resurrected
 17
but not until
 18
I wade through the mourning
 19

29 Mar 07

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Comments:

oh puhlease
your (something attributed to you)
yore (of legend, or days-gone-by)
youre or you're (YOU ARE)
c'mon...
this is rudimentary. didn't care for the
.. ..
or the
.. .. .
nice poem
 — chuckles

This sounds exactly like disregarded.  No one else can be your life.  Step up to the plate and stop wallowing!  
 — Isabelle5

this is just expression, guys.. . ever heard of jack kerouac, spontaneous prose?  this is an incomplete rough draft of feelings being expressed without trying to sound witty or cool
this is as real as anything on this site.. . . .sorry, just posted a rush of feeling to get some suggestions on how to work this into a poem
P.S.  not every poem has to sound like every other poem on this site...wake up
 — unknown

sorry
i didn't mean YOUR poem
rudimentary...
i meant the knowledge of
your
yore
you're
 — unknown

by the way, excuse my "wallowing"  i was married for 5 years, had a child with this woman, and she left me for another man 3 days ago. . .sorry for being real, and not a plastic poet.. . .this is the author of both replaced and disregarded, yes they sound the same, they were wrote in about 5 minutes time.. .. .i know everyone feels like just because their behind their safe little keyboards that they can rip apart someone else because they are abviously so dissatisfied with their own lives.
when you drop a thousand valiums you might write something thats not exactly a masterpiece too.. . i wish people would just honestly give people constructive criticism on this site.. . .i threw raw words in on the screen in hopes of venting and getting advise on how to make "replaced" and disregarded" into one or two working poem(s)
 — unknown

Please understand that I feel bad for your situation.  That's terrible!  But the poem is on a poetry workshop site so you have to expect that the readers will NOT know it's based on what is just happening.  We will read it and try to show you the places it could be better.

I feel so bad for your loss!  I lost all 3 of my children in a divorce.  Be careful with yourself because you can go right into a massive depression.  Get some grieve counseling if you can.  Maybe put a disclaimer or a warning on this poem, too.  Good luck.  
 — Isabelle5

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