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Epitaph to a Colorful Life

He was young then, he recalled
back when daffodils were stunning yellow
and violets were a darker shade of purple
and colors were all he saw.
He dreamt of painting the sky
replacing swirling whites and blues
and drawing his own hues
with sagging arms and tall ambition.
But day is black, so soon
with speckles of silver he can hardly see.
His brightly burning chromes
die and fade so helplessly.

28 Mar 07

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You don't need back in line 2, as recalled means back, you can only recall something past.  
I think a comma at the end of line 5 is needed.  By the way, replacing what in line 6?  Could you change the 'and' in line 7 to with, to show it's the replacement of whites and blues?  That might work better.
Chromes die or chrome dies...choose one or the other, dies does not work with a plural word.  

I like the feel of this, even though it's mournful and sounds as if time ran out.  Nice job.
 — Isabelle5

 — unknown

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