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A Man Realized
RayPriebe

Age brings wisdom,
 1
or is it the experience of a life lived stubbing your toes
 2
on the things you are too stupid to avoid.
 3
   At first you see women as caregivers, nurturers, mothers to your
 4
bourgeoning soul.   Later as playmates they are the sensitive ones
 5
easily overcome in most playground games.
 6
   Later, your desire for them ,
 7
your lust can overcome you. Dim the mind you have worked so hard to foster.
 8
Only later do you realize your mistakes along the way.
 9
That one Oprah Winfrey is worth a million Paris Hiltons,
 10
That Quality, Intelligence, honesty, that sensitivity that you stepped on so long ago
 11
is now and has always been the one true treasure in you life.
 12

27 Mar 07

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Comments:

no comma end of line 1 is needed.  Or is the connecting word there.
You need a question mark end of line 3.
You need to find a different word to convey time, as you've used the word later too much - 3 times in just a few lines.  

I like the idea but this needs more work.  (Age brings widsom, youth brings a kick in the pants!)
 — Isabelle5

Isabelle is right of course , I am new to this , need help and appreciate it when I get it . I think this is the change she was looking for , please leave a comment and let me know what you think.        A Man Realized

Age brings wisdom
or is it the experience of a life lived stubbing your toes
on the things you are too stupid to avoid?
  At first you see women as caregivers, nurturers, mothers to your
bourgeoning soul.   Later as playmates they are the sensitive ones
easily overcome in most playground games.
  In time, your desire for them ,
your lust can overcome you. Dim the mind you have worked so hard to foster.
Afterwards, you realize your mistakes along the way.
That one Oprah Winfrey is worth a million Paris Hiltons,
That Quality, Intelegence, honesty, that sensitivity that you stepped on so long ago
is now and has always been the one true treasure in you life.          
 — RayPriebe

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