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The Final Doubts of a Little Prince

The elephant’s now lost to me,
the one a snake eats, supposedly
and I wonder if that’s not the trick-
the way worlds are supposed to be.
Is there something in the businessman’s
obsession with the stars?
And is the lamplighter fulfilled
because he never sees the dark?
And when the tippler
drinks to shame
when there’s no one else
to take the blame
has he found the point of this old game?
Well, the conceited man, he knows his name
but I’ve just stumbled through my travels
never satisfied •
or gratified
by the way things have unraveled.
yes, I’ve left behind my life,
abandoned my love • with four small claws
and I can see from here
unkempt volcanoes • erupting into stars.

27 Mar 07

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your ideas are amazing! i must look up the word "tippler" though.
some lines need to be work; take another look at l: 7 & 11.
free-verse depends a lot on its scansion, and the dots are a bit distracting.
also watch the word "well."  
the first four lines are really effective and good.

 — punua_maikai

I changed one of the "well"s and i was wondering what it is that doesn't work in lines 7&11...
Thanks so much for the comments!
 — Lexie

Tippler is a drinker.

This reads like lyrics to me, must have music to come alive.  It ends on exactly the right words.  Line 22 is marvelous!
 — Isabelle5

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