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In the Reflection

Within the depths of my silver exterior
She looks through and dubs herself inferior
Dutifully I show all imperfections
But also beauty through my relfections
Insecure and always wanting more
I see she needs, of herself, to be sure
Bits of emotion all over her face
Telling me she's only trying to find her place
Her grey-blue eyes never sparkle with life
After feeling no love, and put through such strife
To the world she is numb and cold
But to me, her emotions mold
Into one feeling, pain
And in front of me, tears fall like rain
Down her face trickles the water and salt
As she thinks it's all her fault
I want to cry aloud and change what she sees
As she falls to the ground with wobbly knees

26 Mar 07

Rated 6.5 (6.5) by 2 users.
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Your personification of a mirror is excellent. There were some verses that seemed a little forced, but overall this poem is a great read.
 — fozzfozz

I like the idea of the mirror speaking of the person in the image but it might be better if you didn't try to rhyme.  Lines 15-16 are particularly not well crafted, in my opinion.  There also is not a clear, strong ending.  She's fallen to her knees, then what?  Can you reach out to her somehow?  Can you change the image to one of beauty that she can recognize, like showing her soul or something?  

First of all, though, please try to do it without the rhyme because it's not working as well as it could.  
 — Isabelle5

Very nice. I'm not much of a poet, so I don't know how important this is anymore, but the meter (I think thats the term) is off (lines 13-14) (I think), but that's only a drawback if reciting it orally. Over all, though, great use vocabulary and personification. Excellent job.
 — unknown

Very nice! If I knew how to rate this, I'd give it a 9 or 10.
 — unknown

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