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October
guy_fawkes

The memorial service was a time
 1
for men to hold hands and cry.
 2
I left for a cigarette –
 3
each drag was a coma.
 4
 
 
As I walked away,
 5
I changed my gait to step
 6
on brittle-looking leaves.
 7
It is my fall hobby –
 8
destroying that which is already dead.
 9
 
 
I wanted to ride a magic carpet,
 10
stiff as a flag on the moon,
 11
alone in the sky,
 12
but I embraced you, my stoic friend,
 13
now shuddering.
 14

26 Mar 07

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Comments:

Not bad.
Lines three and four were lovely.

I really don't love that last stanza.
I wrote a bunch of reasons why, then deleted them because they made no sense.
Anyway, I enjoyed this piece.
 — the_recluse

Would a flag be stiff on the moon?  Is there wind?

Either way, this is good.  It's solid and creates a scene that you never waver from.  
 — Isabelle5

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