| the blue letter series |
slancho
|
|
Again,
|
1 |
|
this is beginning
|
2 |
|
and, like before,
|
3 |
|
it stands for the ember
|
4 |
|
of bone-frames
|
5 |
|
curled round the tongue.
|
6 |
|
|
|
|
Its strong synthesis
|
7 |
|
announces
|
8 |
|
with caterpillar slowness
|
9 |
|
its wishes, reaches us
|
10 |
|
gradually; taut muscles
|
11 |
|
stoically silent
|
12 |
|
lure promises of leaves
|
13 |
|
heavy with rain.
|
14 |
|
|
|
|
Syllables flicker,
|
15 |
|
brilliant hail
|
16 |
|
underneath a dark sun,
|
17 |
|
perfect and smooth
|
18 |
|
in the mist of a silent shiver,
|
19 |
|
|
|
|
only this time the mute,
|
20 |
|
unnameable hips of words
|
21 |
|
rouse themselves,
|
22 |
|
spill freely the pool
|
23 |
|
of old chains
|
24 |
|
and begin, beginning
|
25 |
|
with your single,
|
26 |
|
life-giving witness.
|
27 |
|
24 Mar 07 |
Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (0):
(define the words in this poem)
(61 more poems by this author)
|
Add A Comment:
|
Comments:
Hi Maria. How are you doing?
There's so much I like about this - l11-14 and l18-19 in particular.
'In the mist of a silent shiver'...I am going to steal this line.
Beautiful - ending with the beginning.
Sam
— unknown
pretty...
— Cherish
Thank you, Sam and Cherish, for your comments
Yours kindly
Maria
— slancho
exquisite. yes. hello. how are you?
i think 7-10 might need some re-breaks... or maybe an addition of 'it reaches us'...
the comma after 'gradually' could be a semi, no?
line 19 is so good, i don't have any words to explain how much i love it. :)
especially liked the play of mist/midst.
the comma in line 26- is it really needed?
awesomeamazing maria, thank you for posting my poetess friend.
peace.
varun.
— varun
the addition of 'it' before 'reaches us' i meant...
— varun
strong synthesis
annouces its wishes
with caterpillar slowness,
it reaches us
gradually; taut muscles
stoic, silent
like promises of leaves
heavy
with rain.
but that's too much like me... henh... i also think the semi might be too much of a break, in which case, the comma is working perfectly, of course...
— varun
Varun, I made some changes, will return before the end of the day and work some more on the second stanza ... I do not want to change it too much at once.
Thanks for your comments and your reading(s)
yours
maria
— slancho
lure. lovely. change of context and meaning too...
i like 7-14 now, prefer this version. yes.
only thing i'm stuck on is 'hips of words'. which i don't understand.
i think the meaning is 'they get up' or 'are heard'. but i will read more.
the closing lines are fitting much better, for me now.
merci, mon ami.
— varun
I use these same words, but when I put them together in my spit it out slamming way, they are not as beautiful as when you string them together.
very lovely poem.
thank you
ilene
— ilenelush
|
|
Recently Commented (expand)
|