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Judas the Iscariot
BrideInBlack

This poem is really long, but I can't really make it shorter, as it would take away from the meaning. So if you don't want to bear with it, maybe it would be best if you walked away now. Quietly, while nobody is looking...

is this how
 1
is this how
 2
is this how Judas
 3
Judas the Iscariot felt
 4
when he couldn’t wash the blood
 5
of the Almighty from his hands
 6
so he hung himself with
 7
the blood still dripping
 8
upon his shadow
 9
as it swung to and fro
 10
to and fro
 11
to and fro?
 12
 
 
I can almost
 13
I can almost
 14
almost see his body
 15
a black silhouette
 16
against a rainbow-filled dusk
 17
but my view
 18
my view is blocked by
 19
my reflection
 20
wearing a mask of gold
 21
soaked with blood
 22
that will someday turn to wine.
 23
 
 
if he had
 24
if he had licked his fingers
 25
would he have tasted blood
 26
or the blessed wine he drank
 27
that were still on his lips
 28
when he kissed Christ’s cheek
 29
or the gold he was given
 30
for selling God’s son
 31
with the kiss as a sale’s pitch
 32
or would he taste
 33
what I taste on my fingers
 34
fresh summer honey
 35
with an aftertaste
 36
of vinegar
 37
 
 
did Jesus
 38
did Jesus Christ
 39
after He was resurrected
 40
step on His own blood
 41
which three days prior
 42
was spread by
 43
the dead fingers
 44
of his fellow Galilean
 45
and did He add His tears
 46
to the shadow?
 47
 
 
will the love
 48
will the love
 49
will the lover I sold
 50
to sadists and soldiers
 51
take the time
 52
to stand in my shadow
 53
and let his tears
 54
wash the red raindrops
 55
that would corrupt his face?
 56
 
 
or instead
 57
instead did He
 58
pass the swinging body as if
 59
it was a black cloud
 60
that might disintegrate
 61
unnoticed
 62
despite its deep thunder?
 63
 
 
and will his
 64
and will his lips quiver
 65
as he looks in my eyes
 66
behind my mask
 67
as they stare
 68
at something far away
 69
that has nothing to do
 70
with us
 71
or will he look past
 72
my thundering body
 73
at the sunset
 74
glowing through the sky?
 75
 
 
is this how
 76
is this how
 77
is this how Judas
 78
Judas the Iscariot felt
 79
when he couldn’t wash
 80
the blood of who he loved
 81
from his hands
 82
and so gave up
 83
with the blood still dripping
 84
as it turned to wine
 85
and his mask of gold
 86
fell upon his shadow
 87
as it swung to and fro
 88
to and fro
 89
to and fro?
 90

23 Mar 07

Rated 9 (9) by 7 users.
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Comments:

First off, your intro is f'ing hilarious, I loved it and it forced me to read it even though I scowled when I scrolled
ALL THE WAY DOWN
the page, ha!
You rocked this poem.  That's it baby, yeah.
Great job, take is easy,
Jen-
 — jenakajoffer

ha, it's you, the corpse bride...I just met you in the msg board. =-)
Great poem.
I can't give you crits to this, I just really like it, and you know it far better than I.
Jen-
 — jenakajoffer

Thanks Jen. It's always nice to meet a fan. :-)
 — BrideInBlack

This takes a bit more than a superficial engagement so it may not receive the attention it deserves, I like the ground it covers and how it paces, not sure if the title doesn't obscure the more universal implications, anyway good one
 — unknown

oh yeah, it is the Corpse Bride(so we shall meet again) very nice....i must admit i didn't expect you to be so good, but this is great
 — Cherish

i didn't think i would like the repetition, but i really did.
 — inutile

The repetition creates a conversational tone, drama, emphasis, a sense of suspence even. Not only that but it makes the words sing. Really, really like it.  That fifth stanza shocked my senses.  Messed me up with the literal meaning and then made me search for the metaphorical.  That's what art's supposed to do, I think.  Mess you up.
This really messes me up.  And I enjoyed it.
 — unknown

excuse me. but you are very wrong about this poem.
About half of it could be removed and it would still have all its meaning.
what there is of it.

how can you say it is conversational?
Do you stutter when you talk?
 — unknown

nice poem.
 — hank

I disagree with shortening it, I think the repetition signals that there needs to be some consideration to find the full implications, uncovered meaning are lost on some readers but I have come back to this to comment as since reading it when it first was posted it has triggered off some rethinking of my own past conduct, so I believe the use of this convention is appropriate and successfully executed here.
 — unknown

congrats on the great feedback you've received
and to the success of this poem, well done!
 — jenakajoffer

Thanks for the warm wishes, Jen. And thanks everyone for the great input! I'm glad everyone liked the repitition; it was very experimental for me, as was the length. :-)  I also didn't know whether I should say "to and fro" or "back and forth" when describing the hanging bodies. I guess it's fine the way it is, though.

Thanks again!
 — BrideInBlack

everyone did not like the repetition
 — unknown

Sorry; I meant, I'm glad MOST people liked the repitition. My bad. :-/
 — BrideInBlack

Nothing here for me. Trying to hard.

-polly
 — unknown

nice work, Bride. i really like how you use the word "felt" in the opening and closing, subliminal message of "fell." the repetition is odd, but used well at least. doesn't seem too long for me, in fact, the length strikes me as perfect.

welcome to the possibility of a reader liking this.
 — listen

Up until halfway through this I thought I did not like the repetition but by the end I was enjoying it. In most cases this doesn't work but it add depth to your poem. I liked it a lot, in some places the style reminded me of Milton's Paradise Lost but in modern day language.
L50, I don't know whether lover is a typo cos it's not a word I would have used, love works well.
Great poem BrideInBlack
 — angrychick

god set up Judas!

it was a frame-up
 — Mongrol

yes, nice work. nice. work. here.
 — unknown

I like this.. I don't think I would like the repitition normally, but the mood you put the reader in makes it work.
 — Edgewater

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