poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Dreams of the Milky Way

my chair whizzes
around a massive star
that struts through fields
of radiant gravity.
In a sparkling montage
a boat of stars
straddles a dark blue ocean
of matter and antimatter
that quarrel everyday-
like bush and bin laden
and their petty fights;
their wmd's and bombs
dwarf alongside starry clusters
of nebulous explosions
and dancing quasars.
this pale blue dot
an emerald ocean of life
among a dead neighborhood,
flirting with the immense
and beyond.

22 Mar 07

Rated 8.7 (8.7) by 3 users.
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Fantastic Poem.

I love l6-7.

l12 - what is wmd?
 — PollyReg

Thank you! :)

wmd= weapons of mass destruction. :P
 — unknown

NICE, different topic, and good use of expressions.
 — unknown

yes, i agree. very nice.
 — listen


just the problems of my eye:

L6,7 a boat straddles (?)
L10-12 (ugh. not a damned political statement poem?)
L13 dwarf along (dwarf as a verb is fine, but what is dwarfed, here? and dwarf "along" makes absolutely no sense to me)
L16 blue (short poem, please don't repeat)
L17 ocean (short poem, please don't repeat)
L19 immensity (clunky word. consider simply immense)

 — unknown

Thanks, have made some changes.
 — unknown

quasars and their morse codes..
 — unknown