| Late Night Sketch |
Lexie
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3AM and the bar lost its appeal
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long ago to food and a guitar and
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a place where I allow myself to feel.
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There’s a soft leaded pencil in my hand
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and a smoke-spun daze directing my thoughts
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into sketches that capture the ending
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of the night; into lines and loops and knots;
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shapes that connect, forever bending
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into one another on the sheet
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of paper in my lap. I look up to
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know who it is that’s been looking at me
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and love to find that it’s been you.
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I close my notebook, my memory’s head,
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kiss you, my muse, and take you to my bed.
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20 Mar 07 |
Rated 8 (8) by 2 users.
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Comments:
This is sooo good. you have captured the moment beautifully.
i love the title. but i still think it needs to tighten up a lil bit. rest all is good.
— trochee
thank you! yeah, i know i definately need to tighten it up a bit. I'm just not sure how. Any pointers?
— Lexie
03:00 AM
and the bar lost its appeal long ago
to food and a guitar
and a place where I allow myself to feel.
There’s a soft leaded pencil in my hand
and a smoke-spun daze directing my thoughts
; into sketches that capture the ending
of the night; into lines and loops and knots;
shapes that connect, forever bending
into one another. I look up to see
whose been looking at me
and love to find that it’s you.
I close my notebook, my memory’s head,
kiss you, my muse, and take you to my bed.
— trochee
removed: "on the sheet of paper in my lap."
changed line 10 n 11 ...
hey its just a suggestion. If u want u can go for it.. or wait for others to comment.
I am not the best in the business. you see :-)
— trochee
nice poem.
— varun
trochee- I like your suggestions, it's just that I originally wrote this for a class as a sonnet assignment. Though I don't really like sonnets, I kind of wanted to keep the form, which is why I'm having difficulty working on it.
varun- thanks!
— Lexie
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