poetry critical

online poetry workshop



I was bound to tell you eventually
unknown

When you asked what I had done last night,
 1
I told you that,
 2
        "all we did was just drive around."
 3
 
 
Which was partly a lie.
 4
 
 
What I should have told you was that
 5
    we ended up
 6
at a disreputable, rundown motel in Reno.  Scored some shit,
 7
smoked it and then drove to the marina where we
 8
        walked
 9
            and talked
 10
                  and walked
 11
                       and talked some more.
 12
 
 
       All while grinding my teeth and
 13
sipping tap water from a big gulp cup.
 14
 
 
              2 A.M. rolled around and I still hadn’t come down.
 15
 
 
So, when I got home I sat
 16
       glued to my computer screen until 7 or so.
 17
With headphones on, insistent that I listen to every song
 18
         I own.
 19
  
 20
Fell asleep after that,
 21
  if you can call that sleep.
 22
 
 
Woke up,
 23
if you can call that waking up,
 24
           still spun.
 25
 
 
        That's what I really did last night.
 26

If anyone can help me on this one, give me some tips on how to improve it or whatever, it would be much appreciated. Thanks.

20 Mar 07


(define the words in this poem)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Any real reason for the spacing?
 — unknown

Any real reason not to?
 — unknown

Recent Best (expand)
0.318s