poetry critical

online poetry workshop

across the bar ;--; haiku

animated flirts
perfect long distance foreplay
dullards swallow bait


18 Mar 07

Rated 8 (8) by 2 users.
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what is a cerebrum? overall not bad though.
 — topop

real poets know how to use dictionarys
 — unknown

lol that would be dictionaries sorry...

but another thing:
why would we consider your opinion worth a shit if you have to ask what a word means?
I mean really - if you don't know a common word why would you know anything about poetry.

re the poem:
A true haiku contains a season word - you have merely written a short poem.
 — unknown

There is a nonsense to strict insistence on the japanese definition of haiku, as the fluidity of the language structure would force extra images into the perfection of a Basho.  
If you retain the syllable count it becomes an entirely different exercise in english and this seems to me to quite a good western use of the form which tend (as perhaps you hint) toward the cerebral.  Totally agree with sentiments expressed, if you are not familiar with them check out Kerouacs haiku which to my mind retain the aesthetics of the source way beyond the usual exercise.
This seems  one of the better haiku on this site and I suspect the writer is all to familiar with the last 50 years of western haiku tradition.
 — unknown

this is good.
 — SweetPain

"There is a nonsense to strict insistence on the japanese definition of haiku,"

Makes no sense.  If one does not follow the form - then how can one write a poem which is called by the name of the form?

I wrote haiku
but did not use the rules of haiku
so it is not recognizaboe as haiku
but I wrote haiku.

Well - how did you like my limerick?
I know I did not follow form but I call it a limerick anyway
which makes it a limerick.

LISTEN - I didn't mention syllable count at all in my comment - I said it was missing a season word.

a short poem is a short poem
haiku has a season word.

There are several more haiku here that a very good.
 — unknown

Ooh, very nice. Pertains well to the modern world.
 — FangzOfFire

I have a problem critting haiku. But for what it is worth - I like line 3

 — PollyReg