poetry critical

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The frame of myself clenched.
A grip firmly demanded.
"Surrender your will to  me,
collapse into my hands."
Rough are the fingers
clutched at my throat.
Trembling intensity,
determined not to let go.
Resist the shiver of his hold.
Desperations divided
between body and soul.
A shell washes upon the calm ocean shore.
A brilliant horizon parts mortality
and what is everlasting.
Comfort rises as worries flee.
A final escape of broken hearts and misery.
Die not, but only release.
Inhale salvation's breath
that is all so sweet to me.
Close your tired eyes.
Imagine a sea rocking your spirit
like a mother soothing a baby.
Feel the warmth of a bosom of love.
Let it rest softly upon your inner child.
Break free from the forces
that steal potential moments of bliss.
Savor and seal it with a kiss!

18 Mar 07

Rated 4 (4) by 1 users.
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Are you sure you wrote this? If so, it is the biggest change for the good in such a short time of a poet that I have ever seen!
 — unknown

what does your comment mean?
there are no more poems by this poet?

I found this to be mediocre and pedestrian.  Full of clicheed material.

It's as if fallentears has selected a line from every bad love song ever written.

not good at all.
 — unknown

I deleted the two poems I submitted, because they were not my best. They didn't recieve the best reviews,and I chose to remove them.
 — fallentears

Kinda eh. You need to complete your sentences. Fragments are great for some things, but this has too many unfinished phrases and it gets difficult to persist reading. It's pretty cliche too...L5-6, 17, especially 27 are so much of this.
You deleted your poems because of the reviews? That's fucking pathetic.
 — FangzOfFire

FangzOfFire is a great little poet, I would seriously take her advice. I would advise you to go read some of her stuff, I think she is 17 years old. Take care.
 — unknown

if you deleted the two before because they were not your best then why did you post this and moreover
why have you not removed it?
 — unknown

I spent alot of time writing this poem in hopes to redeem myself. If you don't think this is decent for a beginner then your standards are too high. I would like to read some of your inner expressions and compare. Too bad you are just an unknown!
 — fallentears

either 'forces' or 'steals' - 25/26.

no space after comma in l17 intentional?

nice poem.
 — varun

I just reposted one of the poems I deleted. I believe they are worthy to call my own.  
 — fallentears