poetry critical

online poetry workshop

The terror that I live in.

I kneel before you in the silence of darkness.
Tears run down my face, crashing at your feet.
My body aches for you to hold me within you,
but my bruises scream for you to leave me alone.
As your body hovers over me, I can't stand your touch.
Wondering what is going through your mind while
I appear more vulnerable than ever.
This pain is just too much to handle.
Washing the filth off of my skin,
the bruises appear more horrific.
Taking a cloth to clean my knees, it stains to red.
I know these memories will stay to haunt me.
How can you sleep just knowing
the torment that I'm in?
I wonder why you hurt me.
You once told me you were my 'guardian angel'.
You'd be the first one there to protect me from all pain.
I feel like a child needing to be punished.
You tell me I need discipline in order to learn a lesson.
So you hit me to keep me in place, not to be such a fool;
To be more intellegent.
But how can you say you love me
with the palm of your hand?

18 Mar 07

(define the words in this poem)

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the silence of darkness cliche is distracting but only at first. this is heartfelt and should be read just for that. the strong sentiment.

10********** for feeling.  

i feel like a child needing to be punished

no but, no commas ...this line should stand alone. it is a very strong thought.

thank you

thank you. i enjoyed this piece.
 — ilenelush

thank you, i took your ideas and editing some of the poem. i'm glad you enjoyed this
 — unknown

Any other comments?
 — unknown