| Dye a Log |
listen
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“I’ve paint the branch
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that sits among the tree
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in water.
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But forgive
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the green leaves;
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autumn
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has not colored yet.”
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“I do not approve; give it the colors of art.”
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“All you want
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is vibrancy.
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Is there no
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vision
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in shades?”
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“Obviously not.”
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“But
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the soul purpose of art
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is to let
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reflect
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your inner functions, your unseen
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machines that lack physical states.”
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“I know that. But your work
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is very dull. All I see is
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soil-colored flesh, as though to
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recreate my contempt; and, a few green leaves.
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Where is the growth?”
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“I would give growth
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if our world would stop growing;
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but for now, growth cannot be spared.”
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“Can you spare your creativity?”
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“No.”
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“If you add no color, then your creation will
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gray, and then … die.”
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17 Mar 07 |
Rated 9 (8.3) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8, 10
Inactive (1): 7
(define the words in this poem)
(63 more poems by this author)
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Add A Comment:
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Comments:
Is green not a color of life? Does it not reflect your want to grow? To begin with painting a branch and end with a sculpture is contradictive unless you're painting the sculpture. But so there is no confusion try this in 21-23 or something similar.
" I know that. But your art is very dull. All I see is a soil-colored attempt to recreate your own contempt."
— fallentears
i like your suggestion, Fallen. i changed accordingly. thank you for your suggestion. i guess i'll leave it like this for now, and see where this goes.
— listen
did you think about leaving 'them' out from line 7? makes it sound wonderful i think...
leave out 'the' in line 8 i'd say. i'd say a lot, but some of it is here, for you.
this is a lovely poem, listen. as always. you write about things that move me.
try a semi after 'contempt'. leave out the 'and' ?
line 33? no... do you really want it? need it?
loveleepomeilovetheepome
— varun
wow.
nice conversation there.
somehow i think L 29 could be rephrased in a better way... may be a different word for "spare".
and yes. i dont think so u need L 33. Or find an interesting way of saying it.
I know i know ... i could suggest jus a full stop seperately on L 33.
— trochee
great suggestions. i used a couple of them, where they seemed to fit. i used “the” and “and” because it helps the flow of here, as they both are around words that are repeated a bit. and speaking of repetition, i used spare to kind of reflect the quiet previous suggestion there, in line twenty-eight.
but i deleted the last line (which was hard to part with because of the voice it had, that closed the poem, but i suppose it reads better without it though), and did a few other things that helped it in my opinion due to your opinion. thanks for being so open with me. i will still think about the other suggestions, but i'm worried a little more handling would change the way i wanted it to read.
thanks.
— listen
what the f
makes no sense
get your tenses right jes
— unknown
This poem sounds like me when I talk to myself. Good idea but needs more work and reflection
Larry talking to trees Lark
— larrylark
yes, a little more reflective!
(but i'll admit i have no idea where to start.)
— listen
hmm
the linebreaks were excellent until 20 when the poem seemed to lose a little steam
for me
great title -- you made it relevant through to the end
well done
— chuckles
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