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voices.
midare

and with a quote:
 1
"hello there."
 2
we begin again
 3
and again
 4
and again.
 5
 
 
"i haven't seen you in forever."
 6
and it aches
 7
that even the coming
 8
of night's clouded wings can do nothing
 9
to soothe the memory
 10
of who i once was
 11
and who i had taken you
 12
to be.
 13
 
 
we sing in dissonant
 14
chords: "he went away again."
 15
"i'm leaving because i understand."
 16
 
 
smile.
 17
 
 
i am not so distant yet
 18
as to not recognize your silhouette
 19
painted on the footsteps
 20
of my imagination.
 21
 
 
in heaviness:
 22
"goodbye."
 23
 
 
and
 24
forget.
 25
listen
 26
 
 
"i can not change the past,
 27
but i can change myself
 28
change everything--"
 29
 
 
"--not change, rearrange.
 30
rediscover. reinvent.
 31
realize. we are in ourselves
 32
and have nothing to ourselves,
 33
simply voices
 34
and whispers."
 35

17 Mar 07


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kymberley



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Comments:

ahh midare, you do it up well. A few nits:
I would rearrange l26 and 30, and remove the 'but'(s) in l28 and 35.

and
forget.
listen

"i can not change the past;
i can change myself
change everything--"

but

"--not change, rearrange.
rediscover. reinvent.
realize. we are in ourselves
and have nothing to ourselves,
(merely) voices
and whispers."

Does that skew the meaning? Sorry:/

me:)
 — unknown

no, definitely does not skew the meaning. thanks a lot, v.
i'm trying to get back into writing. it's a long story.
 — midare

ermm...s. but I like the thought of being v for a day:)
 — unknown

hahaha, ahh.
my bad.

i've missed you!
send me an e-mail or something at let me know how ya've been.
 — midare

I told you I would, but you came back before I could. Did it anyway.
 — unknown

this is heavily layered...

beautiful piece, midare. good to see you back to writing.

a suggestion, one for now-

for 18-19 would you consider:

i am not too distant yet
and recognize your silhouette

?

i'm having some trouble with 22-25. but i think i need to read this more.


being v for a day is like a hurricane caught hold of you and spun you till you lost all equilibrium, then settled you into a tree in the thar desert at night.
 — varun

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