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modern miracle

The dull needle tip bends
set beneath crumpled skin
it bruises the surface
as trembling fingers
press toward the same oblivion,
the same nightly release.
By modern miracles today
I hang.

17 Mar 07

Rated 10 (10) by 2 users.
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I think this poem is incredible. The last two lines gave me chills. With a talent like yours, I don't think the subject in your poem needs modern miracles. Keep writing.
 — JLJones

thanks! I appreciate that
 — uncjaf

This is indeed incredible. I like your writing style, you have a raw talent. No suggestions for improvement, sorry, it just doesn't need it.
 — angrychick

I was expecting you to play more on the biological materialism that modern lifestyles entail. It would, after all, have been interesting to explore the relationship between human discriminations and the virile/sterile paradigm that we so commonly adopt. Good effort. This poem probably speaks more than you think.
 — Fox

I forgot to mention the following thought: line six has one syllable too many which impedes the desired structural theme you wanted to convey.
 — Fox

thank you everyone, for the suggestions and the compliments.
 — unknown

oops, thats was me - sorry.
 — uncjaf

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