| modern miracle |
uncjaf
|
|
The dull needle tip bends
|
1 |
|
set beneath crumpled skin
|
2 |
|
it bruises the surface
|
3 |
|
as trembling fingers
|
4 |
|
press toward the same oblivion,
|
5 |
|
the same nightly release.
|
6 |
|
By modern miracles today
|
7 |
|
I hang.
|
8 |
|
17 Mar 07 |
Rated 10 (10) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10, 10
Inactive (0):
(define the words in this poem)
(3 more poems by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
|
Add A Comment:
|
Comments:
I think this poem is incredible. The last two lines gave me chills. With a talent like yours, I don't think the subject in your poem needs modern miracles. Keep writing.
— JLJones
thanks! I appreciate that
— uncjaf
This is indeed incredible. I like your writing style, you have a raw talent. No suggestions for improvement, sorry, it just doesn't need it.
— angrychick
I was expecting you to play more on the biological materialism that modern lifestyles entail. It would, after all, have been interesting to explore the relationship between human discriminations and the virile/sterile paradigm that we so commonly adopt. Good effort. This poem probably speaks more than you think.
— Fox
I forgot to mention the following thought: line six has one syllable too many which impedes the desired structural theme you wanted to convey.
— Fox
thank you everyone, for the suggestions and the compliments.
— unknown
oops, thats was me - sorry.
— uncjaf
|
|
Recently Commented (expand)
|