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It Was Not a Hug
Burrito

It was not a hug
 1
It was a hurricane
 2
spinning us both
 3
rocking our world
 4
shaking love’s foundations
 5
eradicating boundaries of
 6
comfort and ease
 7
 
 
This is not goodbye
 8
This is hello
 9
to loneliness
 10
and missing you
 11
thoughts of
 12
kissing you
 13
and that hug
 14
 
 
But it was not a hug
 15
It was a tsunami
 16
soaking my soul
 17
drenching your heart
 18
tearing us apart
 19
yet
 20
pushing us together
 21
 
 
This is not a phone call
 22
This is a contract
 23
spiritually binding
 24
eternally reminding
 25
you and I
 26
of
 27
that hug
 28
 
 
But it was not a hug
 29
It was an earthquake
 30
ripping at the ground
 31
beneath our wings
 32
sinking the buildings
 33
around us
 34
but
 35
not us
 36
 
 
This is not love
 37
This is hell
 38
Love is kind
 39
Love lets you be
 40
Love is loneliness
 41
Hell always stays
 42
with you
 43
without your permission
 44
refusing to ignore
 45
that sore spot
 46
on your heart
 47
where
 48
everything is dark
 49
because of
 50
that hug
 51
 
 
But it was not a hug
 52

I've never tried to write this kind of poetry before. It's a little close to home, considering it is based on an actual moment in my life. I like toying with the idea of love and what it means to different people in the last paragraph.

13 Mar 07

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dominiuqe



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Comments:

Not bad, considering it's your first of this kind.  It's a bit long and begins to drag after line 36, in my opinion, because you begin to really bog it down in emotion.  It was fairly loose (cliched a bit but not too bad) until then.

Perhaps condensation will help.  
 — Isabelle5

hurricanetsunamiearthquake too simple, too predictable.
 — unknown

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