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Fertilized Deserts
Ajambo

I went to Red Lobster,
 1
and I looked into the troubled eyes
 2
of my dinner
 3
as I passed by their tank.
 4
We exchanged a glance
 5
through the glass tank of my heart.
 6
Not only do I have crabs,
 7
I have lobsters.
 8
 
 
A crustacean infestation
 9
broke out on the plantation
 10
which I say with jubilation--
 11
I was there that very day.
 12
 
 
I went and got my fill
 13
from my waiter known as Phil,
 14
and I go to pay the bill,
 15
to the counter-worker Will.
 16
 
 
I did not have enough money,
 17
and my looks wouldn't even pay for the appetizers,
 18
so they sold me to slavery.
 19
I now work plucking feathers
 20
from the chickens in the den.
 21

This is a true story. It will be in my book released in May of this year. Look for it. I will be at book signing in a bookstore near you.

10 Mar 07


(define the words in this poem)
(6 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

Let me know if you get to Miami.  Books & Books is great for their promotion of serious writers like you.   L16 seems to want a comma after "worker".  Suggestion for L18:
"and my looks would pay
even for appetizers"
(two lines, to aid cadence)

Say, would you look sometime at this poem of mine?
http://poetry.tetto.o rg/read/39352/
I'd appreciate that very much.
Kind regards,
Reid
 — netskyIam

oops! "wouldn't" (my typos, arrgh, sorry)
 — netskyIam

I was with you until L13, the rhyme attack in S3 appears unwarranted.
It seems like the poem went from serious to flippant and then to bizzare.
 — unknown

I have specific ideas for this poem's refinement and would put them down here if you're interested in a second-helping of opinion.  Let me know...
r..
 — netskyIam

I would love to hear some of your ideas Netsky, it would be greatly appreciated.
 — Ajambo

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