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scatterbrain
jittery

it's like this you see
 1
every time a make a decision
 2
indecision comes over me
 3
 
 
and it happens all over again.
 4

9 Mar 07

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Comments:

i could've wrote this
terrible feeling.

maybe "everytime I (not a) make a decision"
 — photobooth

Perhaps you could use a comma between "this" and "you" in l1?

And I'm not sure what that "a" is doing in l2, but it could be phrased a little differently to your benefit.

Fairly minor little things, though. I'd like to see that last line played with a little; at the moment, it doesn't have the same rhythm as the others. I think it's because the previous three lines end with the same soft sound, and then there's that hard "G" in "again".

Good luck with revisions.
 — dandy

cool
 — jittery

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