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spew 5

spoken word

little Peters flash-in-the-Pan-demics
sometimes dueling pseudo academics
brandishing limp literary flourishes
swinging dicks instead of raising standards
painful average mock declarations still expecting to be saluted
waiting for ‘I want you’ kudos! literary hummers
‘mmmhm that was a good one loved it brilliant fuck me’
I am a lady but I still spit at not swallow that attempt
to woo seduce for that purpose by wordplay
unless it is good
not some turgid tepid try my patience last good nerve
heard it all before tripe riddled with the usual
daily not so special after hearing it a thousand times
hallmark of a used greeting card
leaving me not high just dry too bad for me maybe next time
‘mmmhm that was a good one loved it brilliant fuck me’
as we dance above the heads of pin sized pricks
like Sugarplum Tarts….

9 Mar 07

Rated 9 (9.2) by 6 users.
Active (6): 6, 8, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10
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mmmhm that was a good one loved it brilliant fuck me

!the flow and style of the writing is brilliant, and it feels like the words should be mashed together in places (not some turgidtepid trymypatience lastgoodnerve), but it may not be necessary because a lot of the poem's strength lies in the subtle uncertainty it sows in the reader's mind on the pace and associate of parts of the poem.

some gnats:
the dashes on line 1 should be cut because they interrupt the uncertainty of the flow
change 'at' to 'and' on line 8.

i LOVE the repetition on line 16, it caught me completely off-guard (as if it wasn't a good enough line already)
 — Virgil

line 7, it's oddly awkward, but it sounds like stream of conchinessness, so its really cool.

I'm sorry, but I can never spell that word and I hope you can understand it, spell check nor google help.
 — SenorSin

nice poem.
 — varun


That being said, this piece is very, very strong. I generally don't post the stuff like this that I write on PC...just because I don't, I'm not sure why. But it takes some serious skill to write slam, and you've got it. I'm highly impressed, especially by lines 11-16. Rage on!

 — teo_omega11

thank you teo. and all above...I am flattered.
 — ilenelush

jolting slam piece, yet ladylike. Hand me the nutcracker.
curtain call ( line 14 could be stronger. used = abused )

I love this poem and wish I could watch it performed.
 — banditfemme

Glad to see this massively under-appreciated masterpiece is getting some attention finally. ^_^
 — Virgil

this would kick ass
read aloud,
I can't read it as good as you meant it,
but it's good,
 — jenakajoffer

Please tell me you are all just kidding, that this is not one of the best poems on this site! I guess the nut has fallen far from the tree.
 — unknown

grow some balls and show your face unknown...not that i think this is one of the best poems here or anywhere but when i have something to say, i say it with my name attached.

unknowns are gutless fucks
 — ilenelush


That's right, when you can't blame yourself, blame an unknown for your worthless crap. btw...I am unknown, I have no other user ID, not that it makes a difference. Who are you? You are as hidden as I. It is not like you are giving me your real name, phone number, and address, you remain hidden.
 — unknown

ilene lush is my real name
 — ilenelush

unk nown is my real name.
 — unknown

Fuck spoken word and your cliche poem.
 — unknown

oh unknown, you are amusing and apparently annoyed. ahahha. oh well.
 — ilenelush

this one smacks of the style of someone I once knew. I do hope you're not her as we parted rather unfavorably. I dig it anyway btw.
 — rrichards5