poetry critical

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First flush
skyline

I am Solvent
 1
All the unrequited sentiments  
 2
Of my enamoured heart
 3
Are gone
 4
And now I’m in the black
 5
In the money of your
 6
Frank and easy smiles,
 7
And though I could dissolve
 8
Awash with tears
 9
If your arms loosened hold
 10
I wasn’t dreaming
 11
When I lay
 12
For a few seconds
 13
There was a dual
 14
Heartbeat
 15

4 Mar 07

Rated 5 (5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 2, 8
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Comments:

why no comments on this poem?
 — unknown

because it was just posted today, because the author hasn't commented on many other poems and because it's not very good.
 — unknown

potty training is a bitch.
 — bologna

why are you leaving comments like potty training is a bitch on my poems you puerile individual
 — skyline

Is this all one sentence or 15 sentences? Capitalize to show where a new thought starts, instead of every line.  I love lines 1-3.  and then 13-15. Perhaps think about making this into paragraphs too, so that each thought really has a chance to deliver its punch.
 — SteelAngel

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