poetry critical

online poetry workshop


I have many eyes
         (beyond my choice)
and no matter what I wear
I look out of place, strange.  
They’re scattered around my
body, like fruits
of an old cypress tree.
They close for memory,
and sink into
the Forget of healed
blind cuts.
and open they do
to see you,
in the same nude
we first glanced.

4 Mar 07

Rated 6.5 (6.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 3
Inactive (0): 10

(define the words in this poem)

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I have re-read this several times.

First paragraph = very cute and clever play on words.

Second paragraph = metaphor stops having a point.

Third paragraph = lines 8 - 10 need to be looked at. I like line 11 but maybe take out 10 altogether and replace it with something that doesn't contain the word sleep.  

Last paragraph = charming
 — unknown

the sound is intence in my head sometimes(most of the time) I feel the same way my head just about to explode. feeling out of place i guess its just the way of life rite
 — writenbylove

Simply love it, and I think I understood :p
 — Enimie

Closing for memory,
they sink into
the Forget of healed
blind cuts

something to consider...
 — unknown

Luv the feedback, I'll try to Reciprocate --- for the unknown(s) leave me a link to one of your poems'....

 — unknown

cry me a river.

o wait.

you already fucking did.
 — bologna

really like this piece...

especially these lines:

They close for memory
and sink into the Forget
of healed blind cuts.

oh yes. i had to ditch the preposition at the end of the line, but i think they are great.

thank you
 — ilenelush

Interesting (so very rare)
 — unknown