poetry critical

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Touch-less
unknown

I have many eyes
 1
         (beyond my choice)
 2
and no matter what I wear
 3
I look out of place, strange.  
 4
 
 
They’re scattered around my
 5
body, like fruits
 6
of an old cypress tree.
 7
 
 
They close for memory,
 8
and sink into
 9
the Forget of healed
 10
blind cuts.
 11
 
 
 
 
and open they do
 12
to see you,
 13
in the same nude
 14
we first glanced.
 15

4 Mar 07

Rated 6.5 (6.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 3
Inactive (0): 10

(define the words in this poem)



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Comments:

I have re-read this several times.

First paragraph = very cute and clever play on words.

Second paragraph = metaphor stops having a point.

Third paragraph = lines 8 - 10 need to be looked at. I like line 11 but maybe take out 10 altogether and replace it with something that doesn't contain the word sleep.  

Last paragraph = charming
 — unknown

the sound is intence in my head sometimes(most of the time) I feel the same way my head just about to explode. feeling out of place i guess its just the way of life rite
 — writenbylove

Simply love it, and I think I understood :p
 — Enimie

Closing for memory,
they sink into
the Forget of healed
blind cuts

something to consider...
 — unknown

Luv the feedback, I'll try to Reciprocate --- for the unknown(s) leave me a link to one of your poems'....

Author
 — unknown

cry me a river.

o wait.

you already fucking did.
 — bologna

really like this piece...

especially these lines:

They close for memory
and sink into the Forget
of healed blind cuts.

oh yes. i had to ditch the preposition at the end of the line, but i think they are great.

thank you
ilene
 — ilenelush

Interesting (so very rare)
 — unknown

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