poetry critical

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Flight
PollyReg

If the issues
 1
were curling, churlish
 2
wastrels upon filth
 3
or
 4
Mondays spent
 5
dragging the mattreses
 6
outside,
 7
 
 
Still it
 8
remained
 9
ever about sun.
 10
 
 
But when our flight
 11
stopped being
 12
taken
 13
by birds and
 14
solo men
 15
brought propositions
 16
and
 17
rain to our step,
 18
 
 
Windows were
 19
closed and hats
 20
were put on.
 21

2 Mar 07


(define the words in this poem)
(9 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

Nicely done. Enjoyed the read, ty.
 — unknown

I find your poem difficult to understand. It feels like lines are missing. I think if you want this to appeal to people you're going to have to spell some things out a bit more concretely.
 — rocket

thanx for reading unknown and rocket

-pol
 — unknown

I've been reading the poem and considering your crit, rocket - Could you tell me where it feels as if lines are missing?

My poetry is often a little airy I think, but I find the problem with spelling things out concretely is that sometimes it comes across as didactic.

-Polly
 — PollyReg

I'm just not following you. I'm not sure what S1 is about, my only guess would be homeless people?

L8 not sure what "it" is.

I'm not sure exactly what you're saying in S3.

Having missed the meaning of the first three stanzas the conclusion of S4 is of course lost on me also.

This may be all on me. Perhaps if you explain a little for me I could better interpret the poem.
 — rocket

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