poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Outings with Rosie : Sidmouth

Up a pebbled slant,
irises see struggle, giggled.
Facial, scattered stones,
and constellations, kaleidoscopic.
We spy, eye-bright,
through the bonsai tunnel
of an eons erosion,
and being impartial
to order in the barren,
aim marrowless bones
to a smooth churn
in the cycle of a crest.
Chaos is quiet there :
We hear, in the space, an onomatopeia.
Thud, plopping?
Thop, thopping.

2 Mar 07

Rated 9.3 (9.3) by 3 users.
Active (3): 8, 10, 10
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(7 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


lovely :) - and the ending made me smile - which is a major achievement  :))

absolutely love the line - 'Facial, scattered stones and constellations..' - delicate and powerful construction of imagery you made here

the way you describe the motion and body of the ocean at the shoreline is something i have be contemplating too - but you have done it so well :)

simply for lines 3 > 4 added to faves - a 10 for making me smile - and a thumbs up for the lines 5 to 12 -

wonderful stuff

 — Mongrol

Thanks mongrol!
Im glad someone enjoyed the poem as much as i enjoyed the moment.
 — sisotowbel

great - i love the ending. very inventive.
 — unknown

i like it lots
 — unknown

does anyone have a more eloquent critique for me?
 — sisotowbel

nope - there is no technical critique - nor eloquence beyond the words you've already phrased here

it has imagination and scripts the scene very well - the moment you are viewing this and the words tumbled into your head as you walked an sat close to the shoreline at night is quite vivid in itself
 — Mongrol

Newest (expand)
Recently Commented (expand)