poetry critical

online poetry workshop

We were not meant to be

We were not meant to be, you and I.
I admit, my early fascination was overwhelming.
But you have proved
beyond any reasonable doubt that
we were not meant to be.
I am all legs and arms,
all skin and bones.
You are half tentacles and all mystery.
Mine is the sunshine,
the rainfall,
the evergreen tree and the bird on the wing.
Yours are the murky depths,
the brine and scuttlebutt of an unseen maelstrom.
Darkness pervades your world in a way I can not fathom.
We were not meant to be, you and I.
We were not ever meant to be.

28 Feb 07

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Good work.
Please see if you can come up with a better title maybe then the repetition in lines 1 and 15 would make sense.
I like the 2nd stanza... interesting.
line 14 - 'cannot'

line 16 would better look as "We were never meant to be"
or you you can end your poem at line 15... would be even better... its your poem at the end of the day.
 — trochee