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mom's lasagna always tasted like soap
fdostoev

i never knew
 1
if it was because she didn't rinse the pans well enough
 2
or if some dishwater spilled in somewhere
 3
but there she was
 4
still in her nurse's uniform
 5
after a double shift
 6
and dad was wherever he went
 7
to escape the stench of our noose.
 8
how is it,
 9
she'd ask.
 10
just fine, thank you mom.
 11
she'd sigh down the hallway
 12
into bed
 13
and i kept chewing
 14
chewing and studying the grain of the table
 15
until i became
 16
a jet-fighter pilot
 17
with a million
 18
bombs.
 19

26 Feb 07

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Comments:

I think you'd be better served with multiple stanzas. One after L8, another after L13. You could drop the "and" of L14 to make it fit.

The transition from line 6-7 feels kind of run on. Better maybe to end L6 with a period and drop the "and" starting line 7.

L8 feels a bit mismatched, stench and noose don't fit well together.

Nice ending.
 — rocket

The title is awesome, the ending is superb and how you match lasagna with the flavor of soap and managed to keep it all together is just to be marvelled at.  I'm 43 and I've YET to even TRY lasagna.  I hate cheese.  It's spoiled milk to me.  Great, great slice of writing!
 — starr

I don't care for the line breaks.
I really hope you play around with other forms, such as stanzas as rocket suggested.


The content itself is quite good. "stench of our noose" seems like a stretch, but a clever one, yet still a stretch.
 — Rixes

you are the only piece of shit here that isn't full of shit.
 — bologna

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