poetry critical

online poetry workshop

How old am I?

I look back once more from the horizon
For the one that I hold so dear.
Why did I try to hurt someone I love?
To deserve the fate that I fear.

23 Feb 07

Rated 5 (5) by 1 users.
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(define the words in this poem)

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This isn't long enough to make a difference to the reader, I'm afraid.  
You are not very clear on what fate you fear.  The way you've written it, it sounds like hurting someone you love is the fate.  Surely that can't be what you fear?

It does not feel finished to me.  
 — Isabelle5

 — unknown

Yeah don't get what you mean by line 4. Clever title and I get the overall idea though.
 — unknown

Good start but what happened?

Larry clueless Lark
 — larrylark