poetry critical

online poetry workshop

green on the first day

Her labyrinth, I traveled far
yet each dead end was expected
I have to build my own path out.
She was the forest's riding hood
Toned equally with the moss.
Days are intimidated, while nights come out of phone booths
wishing for a late confrontation.
Yesterday my heart deceived me
my feet despised me
they will turn her way one of these days.

20 Feb 07

Rated 8.7 (8.7) by 3 users.
Active (3): 7, 9, 10
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(10 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


Apart from punctuation I see no help I can give this poem. Your imagery and metaphor are original and interesting and I like the undertone I get from this.
L2 full stop at end.
L4 semi-colon at end.
L5 does not need a capital to start.
L8 comma at end
L9 semi-colon at end.
 — marieF

yeah, the only punctuation marks i focused on were separating ideas from one another.
 — dustybottoms