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green on the first day
dustybottoms

Her labyrinth, I traveled far
 1
yet each dead end was expected
 2
I have to build my own path out.
 3
She was the forest's riding hood
 4
Toned equally with the moss.
 5
Days are intimidated, while nights come out of phone booths
 6
wishing for a late confrontation.
 7
Yesterday my heart deceived me
 8
my feet despised me
 9
they will turn her way one of these days.
 10

20 Feb 07

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Comments:

Apart from punctuation I see no help I can give this poem. Your imagery and metaphor are original and interesting and I like the undertone I get from this.
L2 full stop at end.
L4 semi-colon at end.
L5 does not need a capital to start.
L8 comma at end
L9 semi-colon at end.
 — marieF

yeah, the only punctuation marks i focused on were separating ideas from one another.
 — dustybottoms

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