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Davi
vida

I have not lost hope
 1
but hope has lost me
 2
I feel no cold
 3
but the cold has frozen
 4
me
 5
by my way lost
 6
but lost found myself free
 7

19 Feb 07

Rated 3.5 (3.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 3, 4
Inactive (0):

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Comments:

i don't understand line 6.  it seems as if there either shouldn't be a "but" in the 7th line, or line six just needs to be reworded.  or perhaps there is a typo.  also, i notices a rythm in lines one and two, three and four, but line 7 sounds like a mouthful compared to the number of syllables in line 6.  
 — peanut

Needs some punctuation.
 — unknown

bit of a confused entity, not very good at all.
 — unknown

nice, but need little more to end the poem
 — serein

Davi is a very appropriate title for this. I think you could be among the greats:  Frost, Keats and almost Poe, but not quite. This poem spoke to me and was one of the best on this website. You did a swell job. 3/10
 — Henry

Hery you should write comedy!!! For everybody else thanks for the comments
 — vida

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