| sunspot |
gnormal
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The Father glares
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1 |
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right on that sun
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2 |
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who is holding a gun
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sometimes i dont know what im doing.
but at least im doing it.
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18 Feb 07 |
Rated 5.7 (5.7) by 3 users.
Active (3): 2, 5, 10
Inactive (0):
(define the words in this poem)
(161 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
spitting words... are only empty ones if the writer doesnt come to some understanding to it before he says its done....... you got the style, now put something to it.
— sShelled
this is humorous in a dark way. short and quick so that it zings.
— listen
youre right sshelled.
— gnormal
did you see blood diamond lately already in the philli's?. because if not it's prophetic or at least jungian.
— hank
and have you seen this?
http://poetry.tetto.o rg/read/34311/
— hank
Maybe this is amazing...I certianly don't think so though. I've read a lot of poetry like this and I don't think it's possible that poems like this could ever be better than more powerful, well-worded, usually lengthier, pieces. Poems can be short yes, and short is sometimes good, but like a small drink won't quench the thirst, a small poem won't quench my needs for something poetic. It's like a bite-size bagel bite or a chip or an M&M. I want an entire pizza, a bag of chips and maybe a chocolate bar. I want something that fills me when I read and terse little things like this don't do it. To fulfull needs the serving size would have to be like 8 or 9 of these. Sorry for the rant. 2/10
— Henry
Its not working - line 1 is good
— PollyReg
bah-
they can't all be
winners
your ps is correct.
doolars to donuts
einstein's garbage can was heaped higher than everything he published by ten (?)
times...
— chuckles
We have our moments, where we just need a release. And maybe writing is yours, 'cause I know it's one of mine.
— DeathShards
Oh, yes. this makes me yearn to shoot.
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I have Great Luck with random posts. Should I visit the casino, I muse.
(g)normal: You don't need angry. Glare has you covered.
— banditfemme
thanks bandit.
i appreciate your reading.
now there is something else entirely!
— gnormal
I have to notice that Father is capitalized and that screams God the Father. You may not have meant that but religious imagery eats up a poem and there is a reason this is capitalized - also sun comes right after which makes me think Jesus only because Father makes me think of God - it leaves a lot of openess for interpretation. You don't want your readers to go all over the place but it could work. If you meant Father as God then good job - if not, then watch out because a lot will probably read it as so.
Do you have a meaning for it? I would be interested to know. =)
— papermoon
i want my readers to go all over the place.
— gnormal
well you succeeded in part although we can't go too far because we can't escape the Father - which to a lot is going to mean God - that will constrict somewhat - if we go too all over the place, we have nothing to do with it..we are just left in space somewhere..but still..I am not saying I don't like it - I do
— papermoon
5
— unknown
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