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The Father glares
right on that sun
who is holding a gun

sometimes i dont know what im doing.
but at least im doing it.

18 Feb 07

Rated 5.7 (5.7) by 3 users.
Active (3): 2, 5, 10
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spitting words... are only empty ones if the writer doesnt come to some understanding to it before he says its done....... you got the style, now put something to it.
 — sShelled

this is humorous in a dark way. short and quick so that it zings.
 — listen

youre right sshelled.
 — gnormal

did you see blood diamond lately already in the philli's?. because if not it's prophetic or at least jungian.
 — hank

and have you seen this?

http://poetry.tetto.o rg/read/34311/
 — hank

Maybe this is amazing...I certianly don't think so though. I've read a lot of poetry like this and I don't think it's possible that poems like this could ever be better than more powerful, well-worded, usually lengthier, pieces. Poems can be short yes, and short is sometimes good, but like a small drink won't quench the thirst, a small poem won't quench my needs for something poetic. It's like a bite-size bagel bite or a chip or an M&M. I want an entire pizza, a bag of chips and maybe a chocolate bar. I want something that fills me when I read and terse little things like this don't do it. To fulfull needs the serving size would have to be like 8 or 9 of these. Sorry for the rant. 2/10
 — Henry

Its not working - line 1 is good
 — PollyReg

they can't all be
your ps is correct.
doolars to donuts
einstein's garbage can was heaped higher than everything he published by ten (?)
 — chuckles

We have our moments, where we just need a release. And maybe writing is yours, 'cause I know it's one of mine.
 — DeathShards

Oh, yes. this makes me yearn to shoot.

I have Great Luck with random posts. Should I visit the casino, I muse.

(g)normal: You don't need angry. Glare has you covered.
 — banditfemme

thanks bandit.  
i appreciate your reading.
now there is something else entirely!
 — gnormal

I have to notice that Father is capitalized and that screams God the Father. You may not have meant that but religious imagery eats up a poem and there is a reason this is capitalized - also sun comes right after which makes me think Jesus only because Father makes me think of God - it leaves a lot of openess for interpretation. You don't want your readers to go all over the place but it could work. If you meant Father as God then good job - if not, then watch out because a lot will probably read it as so.

Do you have a meaning for it? I would be interested to know. =)
 — papermoon

i want my readers to go all over the place.
 — gnormal

well you succeeded in part although we can't go too far because we can't escape the Father - which to a lot is going to mean God - that will constrict somewhat - if we go too all over the place, we have nothing to do with it..we are just left in space somewhere..but still..I am not saying I don't like it - I do
 — papermoon

 — unknown

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