poetry critical

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Living in My Mother's Commercial
unknown

Perhaps it is too detailed...I need to work on that a lot

I've watched her in the corner of my eyes
 1
scared to look at her straight forward
 2
so beautiful she might have disappeared.
 3
Why was I never allowed to share such beauty?
 4
 
 
She strived to be perfection itself
 5
Making sure all was right before he came.
 6
With him it never was...
 7
The shadows on her showed the affliction.
 8
 
 
I've watched her make the shadows worse
 9
too scared to make her cloak of perfection transparent
 10
Why did I allow myself to be just as transparent?
 11

17 Feb 07


(define the words in this poem)



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Comments:

line 9, change worst to worse.

-pollyreg
 — unknown

Interesting topic, I think you should keep working on this, the answers are in there, somewhere
 — unknown

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