poetry critical

online poetry workshop



subject to change
unknown

"You know when
 1
you've been invited solely to enjoy
 2
and share the festive spirit and
 3
when you've been invited solely
 4
to be enjoyed by
 5
lonely, aging bachelors."
 6
 
 
Eye candy.
 7
To these strangers who've only gathered enough courage for a quickie conversation.
 8
Who've, only after anticipated glasses,
 9
inquired about her status.
 10
She needs no one to auction her off
 11
and instead wants to dance,
 12
to laugh and cook.
 13
To love with no assistance, no restriction.
 14
 
 
"I'm here happy.
 15
With my cats, my kids
 16
my turtles, trees.
 17
They need me."
 18
 
 
To encourage self-suffiency
 19
she carefully nitpicks words
 20
for me, and shows that
 21
it is a state most comfortable;
 22
hardly circumstantial.
 23

16 Feb 07

Rated 6 (6) by 1 users.
Active (1): 6
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Line 6 - bachelores?  Really?  I think you don't need the 2nd e there.

Who've is a very awkward pronoun to use twice in a short space.  

Line 23 - circumstancial?  Try that one again.

Line 15 is a little strange in the placement of the 'here.'  

I'd add some basic punctuation marks and shine this up.  Spell check is worth getting to know how to use.  Good luck.
 — Isabelle5

0.365s