poetry critical

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love is not a synonym

I love the feeling of me falling apart
on you and the innatentive way of
how wonderful you are in the evening
thoughts seem low on luck and kisses
hide in whispers that can’t wake up
the clock waits in love that is not a synonym for me
falling apart

16 Feb 07

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innatentive... is one poorly misspelled word... would u rather say unintended? or inattentive... which isnt an actual word, but can be misinterpreted as one...
Also the poem has a good idea, but wasn't well written. The thoughhts are too disconnected.... along with breaking the pace of the poem...
 — sShelled

inattentive - needs another t.

Because you've given this short piece no white spaces, you really need the missing punctuation.  Without it, some of the lines do not make sense on first read.

I want to like this.  I can see glimmers but it is not done yet, I think.
 — Isabelle5

Thanks a bunch guys. i'll rewrite this.

 — EwanMcTeagle