poetry critical : poem

Bruises

JoelJosol

You must forgive me	1
for not writing sooner,	2
not due to absence of desire	3
but my thoughts couldn't flow	4
through the constricted channels	5
of my convulsed mind,	6
their release every time	7
aborted. How do you translate	8
silence on paper?	9
I thought of sending you	10
letters, filled with blanks	11
from edge to edge,	12
silent like signs of the hands.	13
Perhaps, one day, the thoughts	14
will find the open gate	15
to walk free, or even	16
to meet up with you	17
on parole. If you find	18
such letter to be	19
of good behavior,	20
give me my freedom	21
by your good report.	22
But my thoughts	23
are clamped in its limbs,	24
their weight increases	25
the pain. I really wanted	26
to write you sooner,	27
but I rather that you	28
see the bruises, yourself,	29
left by the clamps	30
holding down the words.	31

16 Feb 07

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photobooth
sarahjoie

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Comments:

wow
— photobooth

this is great. my one suggestion is i don't quite understand the line "silent like signs, of the hands." do you mean signing like sign language or perhaps body language through hands? That line is a bit too ambigous a picture. If you decide to keep it as is, perhaps you could remove the comma between signs and of. I think that would slightlydecrease the confusion.
— sarahjoie

Thanks Photobooth and Sarah.

Sarah, there was no comma originally. I mistakenly put it there for a pause but it didn't work.
— JoelJosol

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