poetry critical

online poetry workshop


You must forgive me
for not writing sooner,
not due to absence of desire
but my thoughts couldn't flow
through the constricted channels
of my convulsed mind,
their release every time
aborted. How do you translate
silence on paper?
I thought of sending you
letters, filled with blanks
from edge to edge,
silent like signs of the hands.
Perhaps, one day, the thoughts
will find the open gate
to walk free, or even
to meet up with you
on parole. If you find
such letter to be
of good behavior,
give me my freedom
by your good report.
But my thoughts
are clamped in its limbs,
their weight increases
the pain. I really wanted
to write you sooner,
but I rather that you
see the bruises, yourself,
left by the clamps
holding down the words.

16 Feb 07

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 — photobooth

this is great.  my one suggestion is i don't quite understand the line "silent like signs, of the hands."  do you mean signing like sign language or perhaps body language through hands? That line is a bit too ambigous a picture.  If you decide to keep it as is, perhaps you could remove the comma between signs and of. I think that would slightlydecrease the confusion.
 — sarahjoie

Thanks Photobooth and Sarah.

Sarah, there was no comma originally. I mistakenly put it there for a pause but it didn't work.
 — JoelJosol