poetry critical

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Youthful Nostalgia

Oh, do I remember
those days of youth
gone by. Those times
of endless hope and
pure innocence.
We would sit, Jess
and I, with
sticky fingers and
pop-sicle pink stained
lips; swinging 'neath
the green canopy
of tranquil foliage.
Time would quickly
pass us by, as
we sat swinging;
always with our
eyes to the sky.
And what dreams
and hopes we shared
would keep us warm
in the cold reality
of our adult filled
lives. We remained
preserved in our blissful
youth with long hours
gone from plucking
buttercups and casting
golden shadows
upon our chins; always
accompanied by a
warm and hopeful sun.
Those were the
days of youth gone
by, where promises
of eternal youth
were made, but
must be later broken,
along with some dreams
that, like our youth,
must die.

12 Feb 07

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This is a good easy read.  

L24 "entomed" takes a way a little from the light tranquil mood.  L39 "out" should be our.

L9-12  I like the hypenated pop-sicle and the pink stained lips, the clipped " 'neath", and the repeated "swinging".  Nice imagery with "green canopy of tranquil foliage".
You created the innocent feel of youth.

Good job.
 — bellavida

Thank you very much.
 — MysteryMan

Aw I quite like this. At the moment I'm liking poetry that reminds me of Summer, sunshine, freedom and not having a TON of work to do... So thankyou.
 — dele

Your welcome. Anything to help keep us warm in this bitter winter.
 — MysteryMan