poetry critical

online poetry workshop

my first piece of hate mail

...you have a confident voice, almost arrogant,
how have you come to be so full of yourself?
dear _____
thanks for the email.
my source of confidence is rooted in the fact that you are full of shit, the men to the left and right of me in the bar as i write this are full of shit and especially i am full of shit.
the human race is little more than a mud puddle of loose flesh haphazardly stretched over dud firecrackers and yo-yos with no strings.
we've all got heads full of canker sores from years of the long, slow, dead-end hustle.
the sooner you come to understand that supple truth,
the quicker you can begin laughing
while they piss in your face.

12 Feb 07

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


Loved it. It spoke to me. I wish I received such mail. 8/10
 — Henry

ehhhh, so-so.  i like your message here, but it didn't give me all that i think it could've.

i really did like these phrases though:

"dud firecrackers and yo-yos with no strings."
"dead-end hustle."

mmm. the beginning.  it was a LITTLE confusing.  it didn't bother me for long, but it could have been a little more obvious which part was what they sent and which part was what you sent.  i don't know though; looking back over it, it SHOULD'VE been obvious to me; i don't know how you'd make it more obvious...but, consider it maybe.

i think this part needs a comma:
"full of shit, and especially i am"

if nothing else, the "arrogant speaker" works as a pretty interesting gimmick, so, i'd definitely say keep that up.

good luck with your revisions & thanks for sharing!
 — steveroggenb

Why is the truth supple? Maybe finish L8 at 'understand'
Enjoyed, thanks for the read.
 — unknown

(i prefer poo
and pee to what
you have)
crazy mf
 — chuckles

Newest (expand)
  • My Valentine
  • the list of shoulda/coulda/woulda
  • we rhythm
  • wrapped
  • to get a clean line down
  • at the window pane
  • a truly emo recollection
  • ruby snow eyes
  • Poem for my senior art exhibition
  • Rotting
  • My Broken Abortion: References to an Historical Romance, 1966
  • Time Exposures
  • Drain The Last Drop
  • Daydream
  • Imagination
Recently Commented (expand)