poetry critical

online poetry workshop

OPAL hates this POEM

too philosophical for her needs,  
she would take him to bed  
so her body could argue with his  
until she could force a tangible  
conclusion not hedged
by some ornate discourse.  
and after he came  
she would dip  
her fingers below  
and smear  
neglected lips with  
viscous veracity.

in an overrepresented world, we crave tangibility.

12 Feb 07

Rated 6.8 (6.8) by 6 users.
Active (6): 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)

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viscous veracity? i detect some over arching alliteration and the footnote is nasty.
 — opal

nasty? I think you have no idea what this is about.
 — unknown

I have every idea - the footnote is so pretentious and empty that it leaves a nasty taste - i suppose a bit like 'viscous veracity' - it signifies nothing at all, other than a self satisfied attempt to be clever.
 — opal

Semen can be considered a symbol for substantiation. Its essence purer than a verbal exchange depending on one's mind.
 — unknown

the whole point of it is to illustrate the desperate need for substantiation - if that is nasty in your book so be it.
 — unknown

opal has hang ups about sex. it is obvious. isnt she english?
 — unknown

Try to be original - the whole metaphor is so overused it's nasty - pretention in the name of profundity is never a good thing.

Yes, I've banned it.
 — opal

hHAHA. it is unlike opal to ever retract anything she says.

Question time with Opal is more tedious than querying Tony Blair,
 — unknown

Yes, we British are very hung up about sex - but that is irrelevant; my hang ups tend to focus on abuse of our common language in the name of poetry.
 — opal

I like the new title - but i rather think it could be a desperate attempt to get more readers for this little ditty.
 — opal

I confess the title got me in.  No doubt you would use a different one, perhpas Craving tangibility...?

Any way I dont doubt this little piece of viscosity would find an appreciative audience elsewhere.  Raise your sites is my advice, the aesthetics ruling this one are certainly not in keeping with best practise '07.  
 — unknown

unknown wheres your ID
 — unknown

Well, I actually don't think this poem is too bad at all. I thought it was okay. 6/10

Well, I could see why Opal may not like it. But to hate it...hmm.
 — Henry

I don't hate it at all - I don't like the easy,  pointless alliteration of the last line and the pretentious emptiness of the footnote; and now, I'm not crazy about the random uppercase words in the title either - but hate it? why?
 — opal

Dear Opal

Its just another of those striving for effect empty headed poems that bring this site right down to my level.

Larry gutter stars Lark
 — larrylark

opal has changed her name to apsara
 — unknown

words dont stick as much as cum does.

opal's ex
 — unknown

you wish.
 — unknown

eeew. sexual innuendo. How impressive - I presume it's the school holidays.
 — opal

No school holidays. Just a rebirth of the Victorian era.

Shnizel ma tizel

 — unknown

Hi Snoops

Glad your sticking so closely to your schools history curriculum. Is that why your bottom of the class?

Larry craving tangibility Lark
 — larrylark

i dont under stand it but it sounds good

good job
 — cheerchick

dear larry o lard o turd

the bottom of the class is at its worst exhilirating considering i am 2 years ahead in the ghetto acculturation program.

please add verbal incontinence to the rest of your other diagnoses at the nursing home.


larry hagman hogman o leach
 — unknown

excellently honest.
 — unknown

but give it a better title!
 — unknown

who would favorite this?

dont call ghostbusters call cumbusters
 — unknown

"who would favorite this?"

I would and did.  Next.  And I'm not Opal.  I'm tight but not uptight.  Ask your Dad, he'll set you straight.
 — apsara

why did you like it. help us understand you.
 — unknown

I'm not obligated to answer or help you understand, but I intensely dislike line 12 as much as I enjoy and agree with the coda.  I favorited it because of the first six lines.
 — apsara

I think apsara needs to take a chill pill - you sound pretty uptight to me Miss No Poetry.
 — unknown

And you sound like a cowardly misogynist.  If you're going to accuse me erroneously of being high-strung, I might as well get mine...
 — apsara

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