poetry critical : poem

Some good ol' pussy

Maximilian

	1
Th er	2
es a kit	3
ten s ittin	4
g on m y che	5
st. The res a k	6
itten s i tting on	7
my che st. Th eres a k	8
itten sitting on my chest. There	9
s a kitten sitting on my chest. T	10
m e heres a kitten s itting on m e	11
o w my ches t. Theres s kitten s o w	12
m e o w itting on my chest. Theres a kitt m e o w	13
m e en sitting on my chest. Theres a m e	14
o w kitten sitting on my chest. Ther o w	15
es a kitten sitting on my chest. T	16
heres a kitten sitting on my c	17
hest. Theres a kitten	18
sitting on my chest.	19

This poem was about 3 months in the making, and I finally feel ready to share this with you all. Please, serious comments only. If you post as unknown, I will punch you in the nose. But don't forget that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, so when my fist hits your nose, you are also hitting my fist with an equal force, so you can't sue.

12 Feb 07

Rated 6.8 (6.8) by 7 users.

Active (7): 1, 1, 7, 8, 9, 9, 10
Inactive (0):

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Comments:

I think you realize that this is ridiculous, in the title you've chosen, by your footnote, even in the content of the poem.

You know this royally sucks.
— unknown

**Punches the unknown in the nose.** Serious comments only please. And NO UNKNOWNS!
— Maximilian

nice work bologna
— unknown

If this rhymed you'd be on to something. 10/10
— Henry

great work Henry
— unknown

excellent work borat
— unknown

**Punches the unknowns in the nose.**
— Maximilian

I think this is cute, made me laugh and reminded me of my old cat!
— dele

the ears are too big.
looks like
michael keaton
val kilmer
george clooney
christian bale...
but not the guy from the tv show (west?)
nifty idea, though
— chuckles

adam west!
— chuckles

I really like this.  It amuses me greatly. I feel your footnote is completely unnecessary and your smutty title spoils the gentle whimsicality of this.  Love the meow whiskers.
— unknown

**Punches the unknown in the nose.**
— Maximilian

Why did this take you three months to write. Its one sentence and one word repeated over and over again. It barely even looks like a cat. Why not use some different sentences instead of repeating the same lackluster one over and over again?
— InMyBlood

No there...why can't people write more poems like this. If people on this website could write with this much skill, this poetry website would be a better place. Good work poet.
— Henry

This reminds me of the song "Leaf House" by Animal Collective, you should take a listen.
— sadie

so... are you aware that typing "punches the unknown in the nose" does not, in reality, cause someone to be punched? i mean... you know it does absolutely nothing, right?
— unknown

I like muchly - frivolous but gorgeous.
— opal

This is an insult to anyone who takes poetry or critiquing seriously.

"3 months" is a ridiculous time to have conceived this. If it did take you three months, you would have been added to my prayers (if, indeed, I did pray).

Now, why this doesn't work, imo:

As stated, you've repeated practically the same statement endlessly. That statement offers nothing the first, nor does it the second or third, beyond its superficial meaning.
There's no evidence of any poetic conventions, beyond the form itself.
Concerning the form, while marginally clever, it fails: the cat is missing a nose and mouth.
Your footnote is, arguably, more interesting than the poem itself. Perhaps the title could be considered somewhat interesting, if not immature.

If you would like to see some exemplary works of "form" or "concrete" poetry on PC, check here:

http://www.poetry .tetto.org/read/12004/ &
http://www.poetry .tetto.org/read/13707/
— Rixes

there's a bullet in your chest

there's a bullet in your chest

meow

st3ntorian
— unknown

Those are ok - but they have something of a contrived feel about them - this is achieving so much through playfulness.
— opal

Now I enjoyed this a lot.  The title grabbed me, and the unexpectedness strikes me as setting up the whimsy of this piece; dammed is I could get the image right however long, especially like the whiskers.  Concrete poetry often strikes me as
hardly worth the effort, whereas this is immediately comprehensible...but go on...sock it too me... ya think I'm afraid of you...
— unknown

When a cat sits on your chest and stares into your eyes it's wonderful, poetry even. The minimalism of this works great. The poems that rixes highlights are shape poems that shriek ...  'Look how clever I am, now try and read this fucking marvellous piece of brilliance.' This piece of lovely fluff just purrs gently as we relax into its warmth.

**Punches Maximillian on the nose.**
— unknown

i am wearing the same stainless false nost that lee marvin wore in cat ballou
you cannot hurt me
i am invincible
long live unknowns

i would not say this sucks in the royal sense but
is does suck in the common usage
— unknown

Too hard to read the way it is laid out, so I'm not bothering to read it.
— MelissaK

Anybody who reads this mess is stupid.
— unknown

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