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Prism Prison
JustineCH

Silent and straight the waters run.
 1
There is no shadow
 2
for there is no sun.
 3
Fluctuating and futile dream.
 4
Where is the light?
 5
Where is the beam?
 6
 
 
The secret is kept,
 7
deep within the shores.
 8
Deeper than the oceans,
 9
deeper than the moors.
 10
 
 
Harmony and balance:
 11
a secret dance.
 12
Harmony and balance:
 13
a sacred stance.
 14
Allow me a peak -
 15
please, give me a glance.
 16
 
 
The stillness of the water
 17
is not to be feared.
 18
The rules of the ocean
 19
are to be adhered.
 20
 
 
Water and sky are no longer blue,
 21
but have an earthy, polluted
 22
and nuclear hue.
 23
Was it them? Was it me? Was it you?
 24
I have paid my debt.
 25
I have paid my due.
 26
 
 
It is a mystery
 27
that remains unknown.
 28
And in this wisdom
 29
I remain.
 30
Alone.
 31

12 Feb 07

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Comments:

I liked reading this Justine.
I think stanza 5 is a bit boring and unstructured. See if you can edit it cause it is disturbing the metre too. This poem only scores on its message..
you might lose some points on techinique and literary devices.
Some might point you out a few cliched lines..
I personally jus have an issue with the 5th stanza.

good luck!
 — trochee

Thanks for reading and rating, trochee. It was a kind of experiment. Maybe I should just leave out the 5th? I'll think about it.
 — JustineCH

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