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Hands cracked,
stuck with sores.
Sun looming
in impact of rays
wrenching heat,
as though to
extract everything within
to distill.
Uninvited sand,
ready to take,
pull him down
with dry ropes,
strung to pitiful noose,
trapped in stinging apparel
sucking desert fumes.
A single strand of water, clear and iridescent, rolls gently toward him and

11 Feb 07

Rated 8.5 (8.5) by 4 users.
Active (4): 3, 8, 9, 9
Inactive (0):

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(17 more poems by this author)

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Nice.  I especially like  

Uninvited sand,
ready to take,
pull down
him with dry ropes,

strung to pitiful noose,
trapped in stinging apparel
sucking desert fumes.

Good imagery.   Dehydration would feel like a noose.

 — bellavida

"pull down him" is not correct. "Dry ropes" is a good image though.
 — Notecompsure

thanks. bellavida, your chosen favorite part of this poem is nicely appraised. notecompsure, glad you liked the imagery. i changed the syntax to match correct. i'm not sure what i was thinking there, i think i was trying to make it jagged, hard to breathe, but it didn't work. thanks, though.
 — listen

Dear Listen

I love the imagery here and i don't know whether the elongated final line was intentional but you have created the effect of a mirage rolling in from the distance very effectively. I think that mirages are the almost perfect representation of the illusionary nature of the perceptions we heat up in the cauldron of our imaginations.

Larry sun spot Lark
 — larrylark

thank you. that last line was supposed to represent a little stringy sliver of water. and as always your comment is appreciated.

i might sound a little mean up there though, with blunt usage of the word appreciation. i never really liked that word because it almost sounds as though i am talking over you and appreciation is just a must, even if it isn't.

but anyway, things just seem better when you comment.
 — listen

you might do good to the idea of 6-8 by keeping 'everything within' in its own line.
very nice poem.

line 11- pulls?

lines 14/15 are brilliant. and so is 'strand of water'.

i think you could do without 'toward him' in line 16.
 — varun

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