Mirage |
listen
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Hands cracked,
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1 |
stuck with sores.
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2 |
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Sun looming
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3 |
in impact of rays
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4 |
wrenching heat,
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5 |
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as though to
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6 |
extract everything within
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7 |
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to distill.
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8 |
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Uninvited sand,
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9 |
ready to take,
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10 |
pull him down
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11 |
with dry ropes,
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12 |
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strung to pitiful noose,
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13 |
trapped in stinging apparel
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14 |
sucking desert fumes.
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15 |
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A single strand of water, clear and iridescent, rolls gently toward him and
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16 |
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vanishes.
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17 |
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11 Feb 07 |
Rated 8.5 (8.5) by 4 users.
Active (4): 3, 8, 9, 9
Inactive (0):
(define the words in this poem)
(17 more poems by this author)
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Add A Comment:
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Comments:
Nice. I especially like
Uninvited sand,
ready to take,
pull down
him with dry ropes,
strung to pitiful noose,
trapped in stinging apparel
sucking desert fumes.
Good imagery. Dehydration would feel like a noose.
8/10
— bellavida
"pull down him" is not correct. "Dry ropes" is a good image though.
— Notecompsure
thanks. bellavida, your chosen favorite part of this poem is nicely appraised. notecompsure, glad you liked the imagery. i changed the syntax to match correct. i'm not sure what i was thinking there, i think i was trying to make it jagged, hard to breathe, but it didn't work. thanks, though.
— listen
Dear Listen
I love the imagery here and i don't know whether the elongated final line was intentional but you have created the effect of a mirage rolling in from the distance very effectively. I think that mirages are the almost perfect representation of the illusionary nature of the perceptions we heat up in the cauldron of our imaginations.
Larry sun spot Lark
— larrylark
thank you. that last line was supposed to represent a little stringy sliver of water. and as always your comment is appreciated.
i might sound a little mean up there though, with blunt usage of the word appreciation. i never really liked that word because it almost sounds as though i am talking over you and appreciation is just a must, even if it isn't.
but anyway, things just seem better when you comment.
— listen
you might do good to the idea of 6-8 by keeping 'everything within' in its own line.
very nice poem.
line 11- pulls?
lines 14/15 are brilliant. and so is 'strand of water'.
i think you could do without 'toward him' in line 16.
— varun
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