poetry critical

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It was not giving up but moving on. a.k.a. waste of time

In my dillusion I wrote you this letter
in cursive with hearts to dot the i's
in black pen on parchment paper.
My emotions littered every word like gum on a sidewalk
sticky and thick with conviction they dripped from me
when I was finished I folded it up and packed it away
burried in consciousness it stayed, collecting the cobwebs of
time and fear and static
until one sullen day I reached back and tore that letter apart
forgetting the time, the energy, the thought I spent.
Life has never felt so beautiful.

a work in progress. please be patient this one means a lot to me.

11 Feb 07

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L1 "in my head" doesn't sound like a great start to me.
There are a lot of creative ways to suggest that the letter was written in your mind without coming right out and saying it.
Your footnote has been taken into consideration so I will just say that with some removal of extra words, consistent punctuation and line breaks, this will greatly improve.  Kinda nice tho.
I'll revisit this after a while.
 — jenakajoffer

whattya think now?
the spacing seems a little off to me, i might play around with it.
other than that, im pleased with the content, but im not sure about the flow?
suggestions are really welcome.

thanks jen!
 — SweetPain

I got past dillusion thinking maybe it's a dumb or sleepy illusion, but the syntax stopped me in L2
 — unknown