poetry critical : poem

Ode to a Lump of Green Putty I Found Under My Armpit One Midsummer Morning

mister9a

I love that book =)

We used to be men,	1
running the world behind a desk,	2
keeping the country safe	3
protecting families,	4
friends,	5
ourselves.	6

but,	7

before we were men,	8
We were boys,	9
waltzing through the narrow	10
streets, simple choir boys	11
standing outside the church;	12
players of tag	13
eaters of pie.	14

And before we were boys,	15
we were gods,	16
shining brightly in	17
the blackest sky.	18
And before that,	19
before our brilliant	20
omnipotence -	21

we were the dirtiest filth	22
crowding both	23
the back of their minds and	24
the torn kingdoms of the	25
world,	26
shouting at the stars	27
cursing at the sky	28
wanting what they had.	29

And as our mortality	30
wore thin we struggled	31
for life thrusting swords	32
firing cannons	33
shooting guns	34
dropping bombs.	35

After all of the	36
hustle'n'bustle	37
there wasn't that much left	38
for us in the filth.	39

7 Feb 07

Rated 9 (9) by 2 users.

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sparrow

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Comments:

38 is an unneccessary cliche, the last stanza reads better without this line. but it's a nice poem. well done.
— unknown

and spell check
— unknown

edited.
— mister9a

ShelbyS is a bitch. Pass it on.
— unknown

:]
— dreamingg

I love this poem. I just love it. it's so sincere and just completely true.
the "players of tag/ eaters of pie" made me smile.

strong, sweet words and a solid conclusion, which makes the reader think; great work!
— sparrow

I was wondering what book you're referring to though (?).
— sparrow

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It's hilarious. and inspiring, though not for this poem.
— mister9a

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